Page 30 of The Devil and I
“Your body was made to handle a man like me, Rayna. We've gotta take good care of it. Nurture all those beautiful curves of yours,” I tell her, contemplating what I can cook for us as I wander over into the closet and grab us some clothes.
“You're sweet, you know.”
I can't help but laugh. “That's the first time anyone has ever called me that.”
I toss the clothes I pulled out for us over my shoulder and head out towards the kitchen. Once we are there, I set her down on the island and offer her one of my shirts. “We need to go get your things from your apartment. As much as I love seeing you in my shirts, I want you to make this place your home, too.”
The look on Rayna's face as she takes the shirt from my hands makes me frown. She looks like she wants to say something, but shakes her head to abandon the thought. “Are you sure you want me to move in already?”
My frown deepens. “You're either moving in with me, or I'm moving in with you. Either way, it's you and I now,” I tell her, watching as she pulls the over sized shirt over her head. I groan again, the sound low and a little pained, as the hemline settles over her gorgeous thighs. It's not fair that such a simple act of watching her get dressed can turn me on this damn much.
“That doesn't sound like a choice,” she says with a light chuckle, her hands settling in her lap.
“It's not,” I say simply.
“You're lucky I love you,” she tells me, watching me closely as I pull on a pair of cargo pants and slip a black long-sleeved shirt over my head. I can tell she's teasing me, but I can't help but see the truth in it all, too.
“I am lucky. It's not often a pretty girl like you falls for a monster like me.”
“You're not evil, Lucas. You're just... morally grey.” She muses, her head tilted slightly as she contemplates what she said.
I can't help but laugh. “Morally grey? Now who sounds philosophical.”
She shakes her head and leans back, her legs swaying slightly. “You may think you're the devil, but you forget the devil was an angel once, too.”
I lean in to give her a kiss on the lips before I turn towards the fridge and start pulling out ingredients for dinner. “You're the one being sweet, now.”
I glance back over my shoulder to see her smiling at me, and I return it with one of my own. She has been smiling so much more lately, and that makes me want to do whatever it takes to keep it that way.
While I'm moving around the kitchen getting dinner started, there's a knock at the front door. Rayna startles, but seems to catch herself and settles soon after. A much better response in comparison to the last time someone showed up at the door, I note.
“You're safe, baby. It's just a delivery.”
She nods with a small smile, and I step over to her and give her a kiss before heading towards the front door. When I open it, I use my body to block the delivery man from being able to see into the house. When I take the small package, I give him my signature and shut the door without a word. I make sure to lock it before heading back into the kitchen, depositing the box on the dining room table.
Rayna is staring out the large window when I return to the kitchen, seemingly lost in thought. Although I was only gone for a couple of minutes, she already seemed to be far off somewhere. “What's on your mind?” I ask as I round the island and head back over to continue cooking. Rayna doesn't turn back to look at me, she just stares out of the window and watches the birds as they bounce between the nearly empty feeders, fluttering through the now heavy rain.
“Can I tell you about the day you found me?” she asks, and I am surprised when her voice carries some strength with it. When I first brought her here, Rayna was emotionally delicate. Watching her make an effort to confront difficult things felt like a step in the right direction, a step towards regaining some of her inner strength.
I take a deep breath, one that I make sure isn't audible. I don't want to dissuade her from opening up. I just need to ready myself for the intense emotions I am about to experience when she does. “Of course you can. You can tell me anything.”
She sighs as she watches the rain, and I briefly contemplate going to her to hold her while she speaks. This is a safe opportunity for her to try out some emotional regulation, so for now, I continue to cook. I keep a close eye on her, however, so that I can go to her if I feel like she needs me.
“Mark came to my house. He slipped a note under my door. He warned me he was coming back for me.” Rayna's voice was strangely monotone, and that made my reaction to her words even more intense.
I bit my lip so damn hard I tasted blood, but it was necessary. The pain helped to clear my head, helped me keep my focus on her instead of the chaotic hurricane of emotions slamming into me. Knowing that Mark had every intention of touching her again made the madness in me bubble up and boil, and I found myself wishing I could kill him all over again.
“He was either going to rape me again or kill me, maybe both.” There is a bit more emotion in her voice now, as if the thought of him was breaking down whatever defenses she tried to put up to protect herself from his memory. Her words had my hands frozen in place, the cold seeping into me and colliding with the boiling rage in my gut. It was a brutal mix of emotion. I was clutching the knife in my hand so hard my bones ached, staring down at the cutting board like it was my newest enemy.
“I dropped the note, grabbed a razor, and left. I just couldn't face another day,” she explains sadly, her eyes looking a little glazed over. I wondered then if she was picturing the note in her hand again, reliving the feelings of hopeless and dread that drove her to suicide that day.
“Rayna...” I say darkly, letting all the things I am feeling seep into my words. “No one will ever touch you again. You know that, right?”
I turn away from the cutting board, setting the knife down and stepping over to where she still sits perched on the island counter top. My arms wrap around her, and I pull her in against me at the same time that I move to stand between her legs. She sighs again, but relaxes into my embrace.
“I know. You made the world safe for me again,” she whispers, laying both hands on my chest and dropping her forehead to my shoulder. “For the first time in a really long time, I don't want to die.”
The confession hits me so hard that my breath hitches, but I force myself to regulate the air moving in and out of my lungs. It's hard to do, considering my mind has pulled up images of Rayna in the forest, dying. My heart is beating so hard; I momentarily wonder if it will break through the cage of my ribs.
