Page 39 of Before You
I don’t mind the slight smell of salt clinging to him, or the heaviness of his weight on top of me.I’m not going anywhere.I rest my chin on his dark hair, closing my eyes as I focus on the steady rise and fall of JJ’s chest.
I’m afraid to even think the question, but the glimpse I saw of the hurricane raging inside of JJ tonight makes me wonder if anyone’s taking care of him the way he takes care of everyone else?
I want to help JJ carry some of the burden on his shoulders—I don’t think I’m afraid of wanting to be the one to take care of JJ anymore. I’m not sure in what capacity it would be, but I’m tired of fighting the desire to have him in my life.
He makes me happy, and all I want to do is make him happy in return.
~
I wake to the vibration of my phone next to my head on the couch, pulling me from a sleep I hadn’t realized I’d drifted into. Reaching for it carefully, JJ inhales deeply in his sleep, and I hear the rain coming down outside.
“Hello?” I whisper, wishing I looked first to see who was calling. I don’t want to wake JJ up over nothing.
“Yo, can you come pick me up from the library? It’s pouring out, and I really don’t feel like walking back in the rain,” Bria says, and I look down at JJ, still peacefully asleep as he’s sprawled out over me. His dark hair is falling onto his forehead, and I’m noticing just how long his lashes are. I haven’t given myself the chance to really look at how handsome he is, because once I start, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop. The other thing I notice are the bags under his eyes, and I wonder how much he’s sleeping.
“Um, I think so. I just . . .” I trail off, hating the idea of waking him up, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to get out from underneath him.
“Are you masturbating?” she asks, and if it were anyone else, I’d be surprised by the question.
I comb my fingers through JJ’s soft dark locks, unable to resist the temptation. I remember what it was like to twist the strands through my fingers as he kissed me sweetly. Would JJ still be gentle, or would he devour me with the same intensity he stared at me with earlier? “No? Why is that the first thing your mind goes to?”
“Why else are you whispering?”
I’m really not sure how the two correlate, but I’m afraid to ask.
“Because you woke me up from a nap.” It sounds better than the real answer anyway.Oh, I’m whispering because the guy I’m still in love with just cried himself to sleep in my arms, and then I also fell asleep.Bria’s team JJ all the way. She might freak outif she finds out he’s here, and I don’t think he’ll want anyone else to see him like this.
“Still doesn’t explain the whispering,” Bria presses, refusing to let it go. “Unless you’re not alone . . .” she guesses, waiting for me to deny it, but I can’t. “Holy shit, Marley. You’re not alone! Who are you with?”
“It’s not what you think,” I whisper, freezing when JJ shifts, his arms tightening around me before he relaxes again.
Bria laughs, seeing right through my bullshit. “Okay, so if it’s not what I think, then who’s with you?”
I sigh, sweeping his hair gently out of his handsome face.“JJ.”
She fucking squeals, and I have to move the phone away from my ear to keep from going deaf. “I knew it! I fucking knew once you gave him a chance, you’d realize JJ’s the right guy for you. I know why you were being stubborn, but I’m so damn happy, I think I might cry.”
“Bria, we’re not together. We’re just . . .” I don’t know what to say because I genuinely don’t know. I just got out of a relationship, and I know it shouldn’t matter whether it’s JJ or not, but it feels wrong to want someone so quickly after.
“Oh,” she says. “I mean, that’s okay too. You know, I don’t think I need you to pick me up. I see one of my friends, so I’ll ask them for a ride. Maybe we’ll wait out the rain here just to give you some more time alone.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll leave no—”
“Nope, don’t you dare,” Bria says, hanging up before I can protest.
I peer down at JJ again as I comb my fingers through his hair.
JJ’s green eyes open on their own accord, and I jolt in surprise.
“Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you,” he says, but it doesn’t make the fluttering in my chest slow.
I reluctantly remove my hands from JJ’s hair as he peels his body from mine, and it feels wrong to not have him pressed against me. My cheeks flush when JJ stretches, his shirt tugging up to reveal a sliver of his tanned skin, teasing the muscles underneath.Holy muscle—I sit up, forcing myself to look at his face because I shouldn’t be staring at his body, especially after earlier. His eyes are swollen from crying, giving me a firm reminder he’s here as a friend.
“How long have you been awake?” I ask, clearing my throat.
His gaze flickers a different direction, and his cheeks pink. “I’m, um, a light sleeper. I started waking up when you answered, but I wasn’t fully awake until you said my name.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
