Page 34 of Before You
“I can’t believe you’re looking down on me like you’re so much better than I am, when you were doing the same thing.” Trent scoffs, tossing the flowers onto the couch.
“Marley told you to leave. Get the fuck out,” Bria says harshly, and his eyes widen in surprise as if he can’t believe she’s speaking to him this way.
It’s enough he backs up through the door, and I shut it, flipping the lock.
What the fuck just happened?
“You okay?” Bria asks, and I laugh in disbelief.
“Think there’s any chance I can forget I ever dated him?” I ask, and she wraps her arms around me.
“I can pretend to have the memory of a goldfish if it makes you feel better,” she says, hugging me.
“Actually, yeah, that would help,” I say, but my gaze is stuck on the purple flower sitting on the counter.
~
It’s midnight, and I still can’t fall asleep. I’ve practically chewed my nails to nubs, and I’m sure I’ll be horrified in the morning by the state they’re in, but I’ve been lying here staring at the ceiling, waiting to fall asleep. I don’t think it helps I’ve been replaying every moment with JJ in my head, starting from when I first met him, up until the present.
As annoying as Bria was this afternoon by refusing to let me hide from reality, I think she was right. JJ technically never lied to me about Trent, and thinking back on it, JJ was very deliberate with what he said and when he chose to be silent.What I can’t figure out is why he thought I wouldn’t believe him? If I were to believe anyone, it would have been him.
I roll over, fluffing my pillow, but it’s no use. I can’t think hard enough to magically come up with the answers, so I might as well go straight to the source.
The phone rings only once before he answers, and instinctively, I hold my breath. “Hello?” he asks, his voice laced with sleep, and I instantly regret calling. Of course he was sleeping, he probably has morning weights, and it’s after midnight. “Marley?”
“Hi,” I say. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”
“Don’t apologize. Are you okay?” JJ asks, and my heart physically aches hearing his voice.
“Yeah.” I don’t know what to say now that we’re actually on the phone together.
I hear him yawn and the rustle of his sheets. “I’m really happy to hear from you, and I’m definitely not complaining, but you do know it’s the middle of the night, right?”
I spin the ring on my thumb, the hopefulness in his deep voice tugs at my heartstrings. “Why?” I blurt out. Until I have an answer, we have no shot of moving past this.
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you believe in me enough to know I would believe you?”
I hear him inhale, and I put the phone on speakerphone, resting it on the pillow. “Because I was afraid,” he admits, but I need more.
“Afraid of what?” I ask, pressing for specifics.
“From the moment I learned Trent had a girlfriend, which ironically was the same day you came over, I planned to tell her he was cheating. But then it was you, and I couldn’t believe I was finally in the same room as you until it dawned on mewhywe were in the same room again. I was afraid if I told you, you wouldthink I was trying to break you guys up, but on the flip side, I was afraid you’d be angry at me for not telling you.”
A soft laugh of irony bubbles from me. “I am angry at you for not telling me.”
“Really? I couldn’t tell,” JJ muses. “I was coming back to tell you,” he says, and I recall how he walked out of the house with purpose.
“I think I needed time to process. I don’t know what I would have done if you had told me, but I still wish you had,” I say, pulling the blankets up over my shoulders. “I would have believed you,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry, Marley.”
“I know you are.”
“Is it a good sign you’re calling me?” he asks, the same anxiety I’m feeling bleeding into his normally confident tone, and if there were anything on my nails left, I’d be chewing them.
“I don’t know.” My answer is honest, despite knowing it’s not what he wants to hear.
