Page 46 of Redemption
I couldn’t speak. All I could do was cry my heart out. Finally after a few minutes, I began to rant, “T-they took me away from her… w-when I failed to come to school for a week. She had come home all beat up and I stayed home t-to take care of her. She was drying out too. She had hallucinations and was literally clawing at her face and arms… I tried to stop her and she hit me. I kept on trying to feed her, give her water, but she was incoherent and didn’t even know who I was. When the police and social worker came and took me away, she was yelling at them that she was glad because I was a stranger that must have broken into her house.”
“Oh, sweet girl. Jesus…” He smoothed my hair with his hands.
I couldn’t stop now, he had opened up the proverbial floodgates, “The foster homes were almost worse. I would clean and be a slave to earn my keep. Or at the next one, I would be ignored and they would forget me. At about like the fourth one, I had to sneak down to get food from the fridge at night because I wasn’t allowed to sit at the dinner table with them. One night, the foster dad caught me. He accused me of stealing. He said I probably learned that from my loser-drunk mom. I ran away when he chased me through the house with a belt. He— was mean as they—came.” I was hiccupping now. “I was 15…”
Redemption tugged me up and placed me onto his lap. Rocking me slowly as he caressed my back gently.
I had to get it all out now, so I kept on with it, “I was out on the streets in just the clothes I had on. I was so damned scared. Then when it got dark, I knew I was in real trouble. God, the hunger. The thirst…That’s what I remember the most. Then some guy caught me sleeping in an alley.” I stopped talking as I remembered that night. “He beat me up and raped me. I was a virgin. He was hateful but when he saw that he had… deflowered me…He dropped a 50 dollar bill on me as I cried and tried to cover myself up. He’d ripped up the only clothes I had! All I could think about was that, not the raping. I couldn’t care. I didn’t care.
“I have no words, babe,” Redemption whispered in a hoarse voice.
I kept my face on his chest. “The best part was I got to eat with that fifty, I also bought a couple of outfits at the thrift store.” Finally, I sat up and looked into his eyes. “So that was how I became a fifty dollar whore. I at least had a roof over my head and I could eat. I always used condoms. One old lady told me to make sure I did. She was a mean ole bag lady, but she was right. But I did know what I was doing was wrong. So I tried to get normal jobs, but I was too young for most of them and for others, they said I had no experience. So after the money I’d made ran out, I went back to it. Then one night a man came up to me and said I would be his money-maker. I refused right away. I wanted to be on my own. Well, after a few black eyes and 2 broken ribs, I told him ok. He was a horrible man. Wanted me to do him all the time.” I shuddered in revulsion. “Then he sold my contract… To O’s crime syndicate. Me and 5 other girls. She took more than half our earnings. We girls hated her, but we didn’t complain. One did and…” I went quiet for a minute as I shivered from the chilling memory. “Kirsha… O made us all watch…” My voice lowered to a whisper, “S-she stripped her skin from her and made it last for several hours...”
Redemption went rigid for a few seconds then he started rocking me again and soothing me.
“Then one night… I strolled up to this really good looking man who had just parked his bike at the Blue Lotus club.” I sniffled and sat up to finally look into his eyes. It was then when I saw it—a lone tear rolled down his cheek. I gasped and reached out to catch it with my finger.
Chapter Fourteen:I Am All In
Redemption
I could hardly take a breath. It felt like something burned in my lungs like charcoal, making it hard to breathe, as she poured her story out to me. I was stunned, sickened and then I felt such rage. I couldn’t seem to feel just one emotion. She had suffered so badly. I felt such sadness, like I have never felt in all my life. How could this have happened to her? It was so incompressible. It floored me to be honest. When she pulled away and looked at me, I actually cried. I don’t think I’d shed a tear over anything since my mother died.
Swiping my tears away, she spoke again, “Then something happened,” she stated quietly. “Something that really made me stop and think. I strolled up to this biker and said, ‘A hundred dollars and I’m yours for the night.’ I needed that hundred you see, so I would at least have 50 left after O took half. He said, ‘I don’t want anything but how about I give you the hundred dollars anyway. Only, you promise you won’t spend it drinking or getting high. Well, he didn’t know that while I would sell my body to survive, I would never sell my soul like my mom did. No drugs or alcohol for me. But of course, I felt surprised by him just handing me money with no strings attached. No one had ever done that with me before… ever. So, I asked him, ‘Why would you do that?’ He just shrugged and handed me the bill and told me, ‘I got a hunch about you.’ He asked me if I had a home and I told him I at least had a place to sleep.” Cinnamon shook her head. “It was Talon and he said to me ‘Get out of this shit, Joanna. If you don’t, you’ll wake up one day and you will realize that you are old and not brand new anymore. You look smart. Find something else to do.’ He gently patted me on the shoulder and told me to take care. That night, O took the hundred from me and said, ‘don’t worry you’ll earn more.’ I decided right then, I would never earn another dollar by selling my body again. So I ran.”
Looking into her moist eyes, I was in awe. I felt such astonishment. This girl had been through hell since she was just small. Yet, she still tried. She fought, she left under the threat of a most grisly death. She stood up for herself finally. I would not be that guy. The one to knock her back down. In fact, if anyone ever hurt her again I would make them pay.
I recalled what Bea had said, ‘maybe she… feels like you won’t accept her as she is.’ I didn’t care what she had done. Yes, some guys wouldn’t or couldn’t get past what she used to be. I saw why she had been in that and it hadn’t been her fault. None of it was. Why should she pay for that? No, I now wished I could track down every fucking loser who had hurt her. How did she even go on? After such traumas over and over again? I wanted to show her a world where she could be happy. Treat her like a queen, make her laugh, give her the most pleasure I could. Take her to see all the wonders in the world I could think of. Feed her the best food. Show her just how precious she was. How beautiful life could be and make sure she knew she deserved it.
“Redemption?” she whispered as she stared at me. “It’s okay, you know? I mean I totally understand.” She moved away from me and scooted up along the bed.
I raised my gaze to her. “No, it’s not okay. None of what you just told me is fucking okay!” Rage for what she’s endured roared through me. Just like the sadness it overcame my better sense.
Her eyes grew round in her face. “I-I’m sorry,” she whispered as tears ran down her cheeks.
I stared at her and realized what she thought. I was hurting her already. I moved across the bed and grabbed her up. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Do you hear me?” I could barely handle all the things I felt. “You were never to blame for this. Not for any of it. I just want to track down every fucker that ever hurt you.” I pulled her close and held her tightly as I whispered, “You are my girl, Joanna… You are my Cinnamon, my woman. I will never let anyone hurt you again.” I felt moisture reach my eyes. “I want to make you happy. I want everything for you. All the best of everything. You never deserved what happened to you. You…” I set her away from me so she could see into my eyes. “Are so precious. You have more guts than most men I’ve known. You are a wonderful person. If I ever hear from your lips or anyone else that you are not worth it, there will be hell to pay.” My body shook badly now. I had real trouble not losing it completely.
Staring at me, she looked shocked. “Y-you mean this?”
I nodded. “I’m not a good liar, so I never try that. I do mean it. Never think that I will turn away from you again. I really don’t care about the hooker thing at all.” I shrugged and gave her a wink. “But you will only be stripping for me, you hear?”
She gasped and then she laughed. “You really don’t care?” Her voice was full of wonder.
“Oh, I care, but only about you. Please never run away from me again? Please trust me to protect you.”
Looking astounded, she stared at me and asked, “This isn’t pity, is it?”
I shook my head. “Hell, no. Do I feel bad that you went through all of that? I do. But that’s just because I probably won’t ever get the chance to kill every guy that hurt you.”
Suddenly, she was crying again. She lowered her head and her body heaved with huge sobs.
“Babe, No… Don’t cry.” I scooped her up again. “I will never hurt you, ok? I promise.”
She was sobbing like a child. “I wasn’t prepared for this!” Her crying got louder.
I felt more than just confused. “What is it? What did I do?”
She hiccupped and said, “Y-you accepted me… like…I c-can’t believe it. I was all set to just watch you walk away!”
