Page 186 of Altius
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“Doesn’t this feel like we’re back in college,” Wyatt murmured late Thursday night—the final day of our separation—bleary-eyed as he lay on his side, cheek buried in his pillow, two hours into a video call that neither of us wanted to end. “Talking for ages about everything and nothing. Trying to find one more thing to say to each other.”
Curled on my side in the library nest, buried beneath two weighted blankets, I stroked Tenny’s fur. “A little. But I’m not sure I’ve ever been so…”
“Desperate to see you. Wishing my life away so that I can hold you one minute sooner.” Swallowing hard, Wyatt shifted onto his elbows and propped the phone against the wall. Apparently, no one had ever thought to buy the man a bedframe. He gazed at me with misty eyes. “Wondering if I can withstand the ache.”
“One more day, Wyatt. We can see each other as soon as my appointment’s over. I promise.”
“I know, but you’re right there, across the hall, and the temptation is just…too much.” He shook his head, long black hair falling forward, obscuring his expression. “One more day, I can manage. But anything longer than that… There’s this pain, constantly gnawing at me, twisting me up inside.”
Wyatt buried his head in his pillow, his muffled words so soft I almost didn’t catch them.
“It’s how I know this is real. That I’m sick.”
“We’re together, Wyatt. Which means we’re going to be all right. No matter what.” I held the phone closer. “And Chantal might have a different opinion than Cal. Maybe I just need to have one more heat, or all it would take to fix things is to spend your rut together.”
Giving a noncommittal shrug, Wyatt shifted onto his side, resting his head in his hand. “Do you think we would have been mated by now, if I hadn’t—”
“We, Wyatt. Either we share the blame, or I take it entirely.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Then let’s agree webothscrewed up and move on. We can’t keep looking back and wondering what if. At least, I can’t. It’s not good for my mental health. I’ve done my time in therapy to mourn and process, making my peace with everything that changed…” A wincing sigh slipped out. “Everything except you. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Because sometimes…”
“I can still miss you,” he confessed in a tight whisper, “even when you’re right next to me.”
Sinking my fingers into the reassuring softness of Tenny’s belly, I nodded. “If…if I really am sick, what if we got mated?”
“No,” he said firmly. “Not before your fellowship is over. I’m not going to make you give up anything else.”
“We could try filing a scent match exemption. Or I could swap with Reyhan and cover alpha men’s gymnastics—”
A ferocious snarl surprised us both.
Wyatt scurried back, shaking fingers clutching at his chest, as if trying to force the sound back from whence it came. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Don’t know what the fuck that was.”
“That was your alpha, Wyatt. And it seems like it’s not fond of the idea of me working around other men.”
Wyatt picked up the phone, bringing it closer to his face, making his pinched expression and spooked eyes larger than life. “I won’t get in the way of your career, Morgan. That’s not—I’m not that kind of guy. None of us are. You know that, right? That we’re all so fucking proud of you.”
“I know, I know,” I said, trying to soothe him. “There’s never been a moment when I’ve doubted that you want the best for me, Wyatt. Ever.”
He gave a tight nod, head drifting out of view of the camera. “I think… Think I need to go.”
“I’ll text you tomorrow.”
“No, I’ll just… I’ll be waiting.” His bloodshot eyes gave me no hope that he’d be able to sleep. “Night, baby.”
The line went dead. Sinking lower, I buried my face in Tenny’s neck.
Breathing in through my nose, filling my lungs with fresh air, I tried to calm my doubtful heart.
One deep breath became ten, then twenty, then thirty…
Fuck this, I decided, kicking off the weighted blankets. Time for sleeping pills.
***
