Page 18 of Altius
Whatever reaction he expected, it wasn’t my indifference.
“Morgan…” His irises were pinpricks of disbelief. “No, you—you couldn’t have. It’s not possible.”
He grabbed the corner of my shirt, twisting it into a hopeless tangle, begging for reassurance I couldn’t provide.
“You’d have told me. Wouldn’t have—by yourself—all this time—that’s… It’s too awful. Too cruel. You wouldn’t have done that to yourself. To us.”
I took two centering breaths before speaking. Yet my voice still wavered.
“I tried telling you, Wyatt. That night. The following weekend. And the week after that, and the week after that… But you refused to talk about us scenting each other.”
If I hadn’t experienced an emotional break at the hospital, if ten years hadn’t dulled my resentment, maybe I could still shed a tear for the fated lovers we might have been.
“And ithurt—because I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I wanted you at that moment.Anything.”
Wyatt struggled in vain, fisting my shirt so tightly that the stretched collar exposed part of my Olympic rings tattoo.
“It’s my fault. All my fault. I was an idiot who didn’t understand. You know what my mom’s like, all the bullshit she spews about scent matches being fake. I didn’t trust what my instincts were telling me. All I could hear was her voice, saying I wasn’t good enough. That you were a gold medalist, a living legend, and I was a loser you were taking pity on.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I know that, now.” He grasped my wrist. “I just—just wanted to be worthy of you.”
“But I’mnotworth—”
“Shut up. That’s bullshit.” Fingers digging into my skin, Wyatt leaned closer, pressing our sides together, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You were—are—the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. The way you’ve rebuilt your life is nothing short of miraculous. Seeing you like that, lying helpless in a hospital bed, wearing a cervical collar, hooked up to a shit ton of tubes and wires… It haunts me. You must have gone through hell to get here. Endless hell. And I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I should have been there, by your side, every step of the way.”
I shook my head, trying to reject the weight of his sincerity.
Wyatt’s grip intensified. “But I had nothing to give you, Morgan. Couldn’t afford plane tickets. My grades were shit. Had to keep my scholarship or it’d all be over. Gymnastics. My future.Everything.”
His hand fell away. Wyatt leaned against the wall and tipped his head back toward the ceiling. “Talking to you on a good day was hard enough. What if I said the wrong thing and revealed how dumb I really am? But after your accident, when you told me to get lost, I didn’t know what to say. At all. Lost all confidence in myself. Figured you would be better off without me. Seems like I was right.”
“What do you mean?”
His mangled expression stung even more than the lingering impression of his fingers on my wrist.
“We’re scent matches. Supposed to be together. So why haven’t you ever reacted to my pheromones again? Not on the plane or during our conversations on campus, even when I was at my worst, a walking garbage dump, you didn’t…” His jealousy bubbled over with a pained cry. “Andnowyou’re with Cal.”
Irked that he was dragging Cal into our business, the truth came barreling out.
“I can’t smell anything, Wyatt. Not his scent, not yours, not even my own,nothing. I had no idea I’d even been emitting pheromones until you told me. I’m not afraid I’m broken. IknowI am.”
“W-what?” Wyatt went sickly pale. Even worse than at the hospital.
“The accident. My sense of smell never came back.”
“You can’t—can’tsmellme?” He reared back, swallowing hard, gaze unfocused behind a film of tears. “You can’t tell howmuchI… Don’t know that I—I… Fucking hell.”
“No.” The acknowledgment left me hollow. Desensitized just enough to share another fact. “It’s the real reason I stopped having heats. Alphas couldn’t understand that I needed more than their pheromones to get aroused.”
“Did they hurt you?” Shallow breaths barely shifted his muscled chest.
I couldn’t answer him. At least not out loud.
Didn’t want to relive that humiliating moment when my request for lube was ridiculed. How they took advantage of my consent to push me to the point of pain. When I decided it would be better to ride things out with meds and sex toys.
Why I dreaded my upcoming heat in December.
