Page 82 of Dangerous Men
I know the drill. I’ve heard this argument too many times. How Jade had never given him a chance. How arealfriend wouldn’t be so critical of my boyfriends. And even if she had given him a fair shot—even if she’d loved and adored him—how Jade wasn’t someone I should spend time with, anyway.
Jade was a bad influence, according to Chase. According to Katie and Sarah, too, he’d told me.
I’ve heard it all before, for years. But I never really appreciated what utter bullshit it was until this moment.
Because, yeah, maybe Jade never gave him a real chance, never really warmed to him, but she was right about him in the end, wasn’t she? He was every bit as bad as she thought he was.
Worse, even.
She’d kill you if she knew, I think.She’d never let you live another day if she had any idea how awful you really were to me.
“You’re frowning,” Chase admonishes me. “Don’t frown, babe. You’re so much prettier when you smile.”
I ignore that. “Chase, I?—”
“Look, it’s over between Caroline and me.We’reover.” He reaches out to straighten the strap of my dress, and his fingerslinger a beat too long on my shoulder. I have to fight the urge to flinch away from him.
“What do you mean you’re over? What are you talking about?”
“I broke up with her,” Chase says, all too casually. “It’syou,okay? You’re the love of my life, babe. My favorite person. I just needed time to…figure myself out.” He says it all with absolute sincerity and a self-deprecating little shrug. “But deep down, I always knew it was going to be you. It was always going to beus.”
He shifts closer to me, eyes locked on my lips, and this time I do flinch away. He doesn’t seem to notice.
“You were made for me,” Chase says. “Remember? We always said we were made for each other. That you’re mine.”
I’ve heard this all before. Every time he fucked up, every time he’d hurt me, he’d remind me of the way things used to be. When we first started dating, he said we were the luckiest two people on earth. Back then, it was all cute dates and handholding. Little nicknames and forehead kisses.
I thought my heart was safe with him. I thoughtIwas safe with him.
And then I found out how wrong I was about all of it.
It didn’t happen overnight. It happened slowly, piece by agonizing piece. Until every little thing I did would cause an argument. If I needed him too much, I was overbearing. If I didn’t need him enough, I was punishing him. And the pure exhaustion of playing that game whittled me down into a person I didn’t even recognize. Someone dull and lifeless.
For so long, my worst fear was losing him and the life I had built around him. But while trying so hard to keep him, I lost myself. And then, when that worst fear happened—when he left me, after making me promise a million timesIwould never leavehim—I survived it.
No. More than that. I finally started tothrive. And now I’m finding myself again. Not the Sydney I forced myself to be to make him happy. Not the mask I made myself wear. The real, true me.
And losing her again is not an option.
I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. “I know what we said, Chase.” I force myself to look him in the eyes when I say it, so he knows I mean it. “But that’s not enough anymore. It’s over.We’reover.”
He shakes his head, not listening to me. “I know I sabotaged everything. I do, babe. But you’ll come around. I’ll wait forever for you. I’ll wait ten more lifetimes. I know I screwed up, but I’m ready to settle down. To go all in. To get married and have a life with you. Just like you always wanted.”
Chase finishes his monologue with an eager smile, reaching out to take my hand in his.
I don’t even try to stop him. I’m too stunned to do anything but blink. “I’m sorry…did you just…did you just try to propose to me?” My voice sounds as incredulous as I feel.
“Sure.” Chase shrugs. “If that’s what you need to move on, why not? Let’s do it. Let’s get married.”
He says it with all the emotionality of someone ordering at a drive-through.I’ll have a burger with large fries, and oh hey, why don’t we get married?
There was a time in my life when I would have given anything for this moment. Where even this half-baked, shitty proposal would have made me the happiest woman in the world.
That time is behind me.
“This isn’t going to work, Chase,” I say, voice steady despite the nausea rising inside me. “You think you can just pick me back up after Caroline didn’t work out? God… you knew how much I loved you and you used that against me. Foryears. I can’t do this. I can’t be that person anymore.”
I shake my head in disgust, and suddenly the words are coming out of my mouth too fast, but I can’t stop them. “I have more important things to deal with right now, like figuring out if our building being sold is going to financially ruin me. Like figuring out where I’m going to live! I can’t… I can’t do this with you right now. You need to go. I need you to leave.”
