Page 88 of Ebbing Tides
My voice was eerily calm in spite of the emotions coursing through my bones. The call was ended, and I pocketed the phone, keeping my eyes on the carpeted floor. I felt all of them—Sid, Grace, Ricky, Lucy, and Melanie—staring at me, waiting, yet I couldn’t find it in me to utter the words that needed to be said.
Dad is dying.
“That was Felicity,” I said, my voice hoarse. “We should probably get over there.”
“What?” Lucy gasped, a sob rushing past her lips.
“I can drive you guys, if you want,” I said, already heading toward the door to grab my jacket.
Don’t forget Melanie.
I stopped in my tracks and turned around, finding her eyes in the midst of the chaos that had ensued in my sister’s living room as Grace and Lucy hurried to collect their shoes, purses, and coats.
“I’m sorry,” I said to her.
She shook her head with the sweetest smile. “Don’t you dare apologize.”
She didn’t come to me though. Didn’t close the distance between her heart and mine. It struck me then that this would likely be the last time I saw her. She would be leaving in the morning, and I would be with my father if he was still alive. And if he wasn’t, I’d be making arrangements for his funeral with my sisters.
Oh God, how I wished things were different.
If they were …
“Text me, okay?” I said, slipping my arms into my jacket.
She nodded. “I will.”
“Don’t let me go another twenty years before I hear from you.”
She laughed, even as her bottom lip began to tremble. “Not a chance.”
I said nothing about us seeing each other. Because what good would that do? My life was here, and hers was inConnecticut, and although the distance wasn’t all that far, I knew we couldn’t go on forever that way. Something would have to give, and hearts would be broken. Far, far worse than they were right now.
“You ready?” Grace asked me, zipping her coat.
I nodded in reply, but couldn’t tear my eyes from Melanie. I had let her walk away once, and now, I was walking away from her. But this time, Iknewher. In less than a week, I had memorized every inch of her body, allowed her into my life, and grown to love the boys she had brought into this world. I thought it had been a good idea to pretend she wasn’t leaving, but nothing about this cold, hollow ache felt good.
No, it felt like death.
CJ ran upstairs from the basement and grabbed his mother’s hand, tugging urgently.
“Mommy! You gotta see this!” he cried excitedly.
She nodded erratically. “O-okay, honey, give me … give me one second, all right? Max has to leave, so just … just let me …”
She released the little boy’s hand, abandoning him in the center of the living room as she plowed forward, her fists clenching at her sides. When her toes touched mine, she reached up to press both palms to my cheeks, pulling me down to meet her lips halfway.
She kissed me right there, surrounded by my sisters and brothers-in-law and the few kids who had trickled up the stairs for one reason or another. She kissed me, and I kissed her back, and all the while, my heart bled out on Sid’s brown carpet. Every beat held another plea to hold on, to not let her go, to stop allowing these good, precious moments to slip away while thetorment was permitted to hang on like a soul-sucking leech. But I was helpless, and my sisters were waiting, and my father was dying, and I had to fucking go.
Ialwayshad to go.
I wrapped my hands around Melanie’s, pulling them away from my face as I touched my forehead to hers.
“I’m going to miss you,” she whispered, eyes shut. “I’m going to missthis.”
“If things were different,” I muttered, reminding us both of that night twenty years ago.
She sniffed and nodded, pulling away and taking a step back. She opened her eyes, forced herself to smile, and replied, “If they were.”
