Page 87 of Ebbing Tides
“You know it’s okay if you’re not,” he said.
Sid stopped pacing in front of me and wagged his finger in my face. “He hated you because he hated himself. You realize that, right?”
I looked up at him, past his finger and to his eyes. “He hated me because my existence ruined everything. Ruined his marriage, ruined his plans, ruined his whole little picture-perfect family dynamic. That’s why they were so happy when I wasn’t around. Because they could be whole and complete without the bastard son getting in the way.”
Sid’s hands met my shoulders, and he leaned forward until our eyes were level. “Listen to me. He hated you because he hated himself. That’s all there is to it, man. It’s as simple and as shitty as that. And it’s fucked up. But you did nothing wrong. You never did anything wrong.”
“Whether I did anything or not, it doesn’t change how things were,” I countered as my chest began to crack open and every bottled-up emotion began to pour out. “He made my life a living hell. And who suffered for that? Certainly not him—that’s for damn sure. He beat me. He tortured me. He sent me to fucking die in a goddamn sandbox, and all because he, what, couldn’t keep it in his goddamn pants?”
Sid nodded. “He’s a sadistic motherfucker.”
“He wanted me to die,” I went on. “Did you know that? He told me he wanted me to fucking die over there.”
“But you didn’t, Max,” Ricky chimed in quietly, laying his hand on my back. “You made it back.”
“But Mom killed herself because Ilived. Fucking hell, all the opportunities I had to end this shit, all the people that would still be—”
“Knock it the fuck off,” Sid said through gritted teeth, giving me a shake.
“Hey.”
The sound of Grace’s voice interrupted the tumultuous moment, and the three of us turned in unison to watch as the three women entered the room. Melanie’s eyes met mine instantly, and I knew she knew I’d just told them about my recent findings.
“What’s going on?” Lucy asked warily.
“Well,” Sid said, standing with his hands on his hips, “your brother just decided to drop a bomb on us.”
I shook my head as I slumped against the back of the couch. “Thanks a lot, asshole.”
“Oh, you don’t think they should know too? They’re your sisters, asshole.”
Grace came to stand beside her husband, her face blanketed with concern, and asked, “What is he talking about, Max?”
I wiped a hand over my mouth, uncomfortable and wishing I hadn’t said a damn thing. “I—”
I had started to speak when my phone began to ring.
“Hold on,” I grumbled, pulling the device out and seeing the name of one of Dad’s nurses, Felicity.
My heart took off at a gallop as I answered right away, standing to move away from every pair of eyes now pinned on me.
“Hello?” I asked, holding back my panic.
“Hey, Max, sorry to bother you while you’re out,” Felicity said softly. “I don’t mean to ruin your time—”
“No, it’s fine. What’s going on?”
“Your father isn’t doing well,” she said.
“No kidding,” I attempted to joke. “He’s been dying for months now.”
She hummed the softest laugh. “I know. But, um, if I had to guess, I’d say it’s coming soon.”
“How long?” I asked.
“Could be a few days,” she said. “Or it could be a few hours. It’s really hard to tell. I just wanted to tell you, he’s pretty out of it, but if there’s anything you wanted to say or if you just wanted to be with him … now would be the time.”
A culmination of rage and pain tangled violently inside my heart as I said, “Okay. Thank you, Felicity.”
