Page 86 of Ebbing Tides
And I knew he knew too.
***
It should come as no surprise that my sisters fell in love with Melanie and her boys almost as quickly as she had fallen for them. Ricky and Sid were also smitten, impressed with her sense of humor, carefree attitude, and knowledge of cars. There wasn’t even a moment of awkward silence during dinner, and when it was time to clear the table, Grace, Lucy, and Melanie all collectively shooed us men and children away to let them work in the kitchen.
The kids fled to the basement, leaving Ricky, Sid, and me to take to the living room couch, where a hockey game was airing on Sid’s enormous flat screen. None of us had any interest in what was happening on the ice though.
“So, uh, I guess I’ll be the one to address the elephant in the room,” Sid began, shifting his weight to turn in my direction. “You’re seriously not letting her leave, right?”
With a glance at Ricky, I found his expectant eyes trained directly on me, and I guessed everyone had been thinking the same thing.
What are my sisters saying right now to Melanie?
“She has to leave,” I insisted. “She has a life. I’ve known her for a fucking week. Less than.”
Sid’s chuckle was short and brusque. “You’ve known her fordecades.”
I grunted. “You know what I mean.”
Ricky sighed, drawing my attention to him. “You can’t just let her go, Max. You’ve been waiting too long to be happy.”
I lifted a hand, only to drop it unceremoniously onto my thigh. “I didn’t say I would let her go. We just haven’t exactly explored the options,” I muttered, although I wasn’t entirely sure what those other options might be … if they were there at all. “And I’ve kinda had other things on my mind.”
“Such as?” Ricky asked as Sid’s gaze slid from the TV toward mine.
This wasn’t exactly how I had planned to bring up the findings of my father’s affair or the true story of my origin. But now, sitting here between my two closest friends, I couldn’t think of a better time to admit the news that had the power to blow everything apart. Because at least I’d have them to hold me up.
“I found a letter in my dad’s desk,” I explained. “It was from my mom.”
“A letter for you?” Sid asked, brow furrowing.
“No, it was addressed to Dad. He hadn’t read it. I figured it was some kind of suicide note or something, and, um …” I exhaled and turned my gaze upward to stare at the ceiling. “I read it.”
“Okay, so what did it say?” Sid asked, clearly impatient.
I sucked at my teeth and begged the words to pass my rigid lips, but admitting the sins of my father felt an awful lot like admitting my own. After all, I had been the consequence of one of them—maybe even the worst.
“What did she write, Max?” Ricky asked, shifting to lean forward, trying to find my gaze.
“I’m not her son,” I found myself saying. “She, uh … she wasn’t my mother.”
The room fell silent. God, you could hear a mouse fart in that living room. Not even the game on TV could rival the deafening quiet that had befallen us. Sid turned his gaze to Ricky, who looked right back at Sid, and I wondered what silent conversation they were having and keeping me out of, but, no, fuck it. I didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to hear. Didn’t fucking care because everything I had ever known was now somehow different and they couldn’t possibly understand that.
“What in the actual fuck?” Sid finally said. “The hell does that even mean?”
I swung my eyes to his and asked, “What do you think it means? My father had an affair. I was the product of it.”
“And nobody thought to mention this to you?” He looked bewildered, shocked. His head shook as he dragged a hand over his mouth. “Christ … no wonder she hated you.”
“Sid,” Ricky reprimanded. “Fuck, come on.”
“And your dad …” Sid stood up to pace the floor in front of where I sat, clasping his chin in his hand. “You … you’re the physical evidence of his failure. His fucking mistake. He always called you weak, but … you’re proof that he was weak. Holy fuck.”
He was working through the puzzle, throwing down facts I knew to be true, but didn’t give a single shit about because what the hell did it all matter?
“Are you okay?” Ricky asked as Sid continued to walk the length of the couch and back again.
I shrugged. “Guess I have to be, right?”
