Page 56 of Into the Blue
His dissent is just a brush of his chin over the top of my head. “He doesn’t like bein’ here anyway. Think I prefer him up there anyway. He should be away from all this.”
“Tony doesn’t—”
“No and I want to keep it that way. Everythin’ I touch gets tainted. If I can keep him from this life then I’ve at least done somethin’ right.”
He cares for his brother deeply. He could have let business drag his little brother under too, but he probably doesn’t tell Tony anything. He shoulders the full weight of Dupont on his own. And to be surrounded by all these people that don’t know what it’s like to wear that kind of responsibility…
I could be the one to do that and I can’t tell him.Not outright. And certainly not now.
This isn’t my opportunity to leave. But it is a different kind of opportunity. “You think I’m tainted?”
“Know it cause you’re mine.” I push away from him, but he holds me tight. “Don’t gotta be scared of the things you don’t understand. You don’t know what it means just yet. That truth is somethin’ you faced the consequences of and now you’re here.” His words rattle in my mind when he adds, “Fear of the unknown is different from fear of the misunderstood. You’re scared as hell of Sativa and Indica and you don’t know anythin’ about them.”
My first instinct is to get defensive. I don’t though. The desire to remain in the protection and warmth of his arms, too alluring to ruin just yet. I consider and respond more thoughtfully. “Isn’t it like the rule of thumb to avoid big ass reptiles for safety?”
“Yea. Outdoors. In the wild.” He looks down at my face and runs a thumb over my jaw. “You saw how chill Sativa is.”
“What’s your point?”
His thumb takes a lower path to my neck, where I know he’s searching for my pulse point. “They aren’t even venomous. If you found one in the wild, it’s more likely to eat other snakes thatarevenomous than it is to ever attack a person. But you judge them because they’re big and black.” It’s minimal but there. A self-deprecating chuff at his own expense. “Gotta say that it’s somethin’ I can relate to.”
I had no idea where this conversation was going, but now that he’s getting closer to the point it’s heartbreaking. “Milo, I—”
“It’s whatever. Reptiles are the most negatively inspirational animals around. Widely feared for just existin’ and doin’ what other animals aredoin’—survivin’. Unlikeable but at the top of the food chain.” He chuckles at whatever is going to come out of his mouth next. It’s a sad sound really.
“Dogs and cats hunt their food, too, but most people don’t run the other way, havin’ panic attacks and shit, when they see them. What’s the difference? The fur? I don’t know. Shit never sat right with me. I keep the gators, for obvious reasons, but they’re way more interestin’ than everyone else’s pets.”
With gentle fingers, I touch his face. Eyes searching for something in mine are warm on my own face. “I’m sure people aren’t using their pets for what you are either...” I hedge, trying to lighten the mood. I understood what he was saying. There are so many ways I can relate.
“You have nothin’ to be scared of with me, Racquelle.”
“I have plenty,” I say, knowing he’ll miss my true meaning. I could ruin everything by falling for him. And here I go wanting to be his strength when I’m so close to getting what I want.
He is a mark and getting close was the plan.
I just didn’t expect the lines to blur so easily.
He accepts my words at face value and that is the best outcome for me. “One day. I’ll figure it out. As soon as I take care of Junior. I gotta do somethin’.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know yet. Need people to know that you’re mine. It’s the only way I can keep you safe since people already suspect. Maybe they’ll think twice about doing to you what…” He trails off and I don’t fill the space with what we both know goes there.
“Yours?” I ask instead. Is it stupid to be hung up on that? Yes. But I couldn’t mask the dreamy quality of my voice if I tried.
He holds me tighter. “It’s out anyway. Might as well put some respect on the name, bae.”
“Uh-huh,” I brush him off, getting comfortable to sleep again. “Go to sleep. You’re talkin’ nonsense.”
Milo turns off the lamp, but doesn’t let go of the tight hold he has on my body. It never occurred to me that it would be difficult to separate my feelings from the act when I began concocting this plan. I am so farentangled with this man. A blurred line is the least of my problems. It’ll hurt more than just him when I have to leave.
I have to leave.
I can’t stay. I don’t deserve to.
Ugh, fuck!
“Just you wait,” he assures me. It does nothing to calm my nerves or doubts. I’m thankful that I don’t have to respond because he’s fallen back asleep, with a snake in his arms.
