Page 13 of Ruthless Desires: Vol. One
Earlier today, I showed them to my coworker Ava, and she loved them. But I wantAdamto care.
“We should head to the theater,” he says after a minute of silence. “I don’t want to miss the trailers.”
“Yeah. Um, sure. That sounds good.”
The burger place is within walking distance of the movie theater, so we leave Adam’s car where it is and head over on foot. Maybe I should try to strike up a conversation again since Adam isn’t distracted by his phone anymore, but I don’t know what to say. Lately, talking to him is hard. I had an easier time talking to those three guys who came into the coffee shop earlier today.
I hide my smile as we grab our tickets. I’m pretty sure one of them was flirting with me—the one who got the cappuccino. He’s cute. Actually, they’reallquite attractive, even the quiet one. I’m a little worried I offended him somehow, though. The way he looked at me when I asked for his order this morning was… odd.
Once we’re seated, I do my best to relax and watch the trailers. A couple movies look interesting to me, but they’re ones I doubt Adam would want to see. Maybe I could go with Ava. Or I suppose there’s Chloe, or her friend Rachel. We’ve tried hanging out a few times since our boyfriends are all in the same circles. They’re pretty nice.
At some point, I reach over to hold Adam’s hand. He doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t wrap his fingers around mine, either. It stings more than I care to admit.
As the movie starts, I sigh quietly. Lately, life feels… wrong. I’m sure it’s just my usual anxiety—it always flares up when I think about money, and I’ve been doing that a lot recently. But maybe it’s something more. Or maybe… it’s the wrong person.
I glance at Adam, but he doesn’t notice. For years now, he’s been talking about hisbig plan.Get a good job, work his way up the ranks, make piles of money, and start a family. He wanted a wife who’d be willing to raise their kids, and I had to think about it for a while, but I realized it sounded like a nice life.
Problem is, we’re still in the planning stages. I get that shit happens sometimes, but this isn’t the first job Adam has turned down that would’ve lined up with his goals. If he’s changed his mind, he hasn’t bothered to clue me in.
I like my job for the most part, so that’s not really the issue. It just feels like we’re in this weird waiting phase, and I also feel like Adam is keeping me out of the loop. I’m an obligation—anannoyance—more than a life partner.
Oh, you’re always so sensitive.
I wince as my mother’s words echo through my thoughts. She’s always thought I was a bit of a crybaby. That I overreact to little things.
Maybe I do.
Adam has a lot going on. Job searching is taking up a lot of his time and energy. It’s stressful, and I know how difficult it is to maintain relationships when you’re under a lot of pressure. I just need to cut him some slack for a while.
Yeah.I chew on my lip and focus on the movie, fully aware that my heart isn’t on board with this new plan of mine.I’m sure everything will work out.
***
“This was a great idea,” Adam says as we get ready for bed. “Thanks for suggesting the movie. I had a good time.”
My stomach flutters, and for the first time all night, my smile isn’t forced. “Really?”
“Yeah.” He reaches for me, and at first I think he’s going to give me a quick kiss, but he doesn’t pull away.
Oh.
Adam’s lips move against mine in a way that, a year ago, would’ve had me melting into his arms. But now, it makes my blood run cold.
“Adam—”
But he kisses me again, trying to silence my protests. His hand trails up my spine, the type of touch that I’d welcome if things were different. If I actually felt desired or cared for or prioritized by Adam. Now, his compliment from mere seconds ago stings. It’s obvious he didn’t truly mean it.
God, are things really this bad?
No—no. It’s just my anxiety. Things will look better in the morning.
But cutting him some slack or not, I can’t deny that the thought of sex with Adam right now makes my skin crawl. So I shy away, praying he won’t push too hard.
“Maybe another time?” I shoot him an apologetic look. “I’m just a little tired.”
“You always say that.”
“Well… I’ve been tired a lot lately, I guess. Work and all.”
