Page 120 of Luck Be Mine
Ivers removed his glasses and sat back in his chair. His intense focus was unsettling. “I never thought I’d hear you say that. Why?”
“Some of the emotional weight of what happened to Baxter is backing up on my wife. I don’t like it. She’s the one good thing I have.”
“Okay, how is it backing up?”
“I’m processing Bess Baxter’s grief at the same time I’m dealing with the team’s loss and watching Cait cope. It’s killing me it could have been me leaving Cait with insurmountable grief.”
“Not an unusual problem in the teams. You do have lives outside of operating.”
“It’s operating, though. This is home.”
“Well, describe that for me.”
“I’ve never had a home until I married Cait, and she made one. Safe Harbor is what we call it.”
Ivers put his glasses back on and reached for a file folder on his desk. “Is it safe?”
“Yes. For anybody who comes to us, it’s been the goal. She’s succeeded.”
“You’ve had no part in it?”
“I’m never there, Doc. I step through the door – but it’s hers. The house is clean, spacious, beautiful. Fridge is full of food. She created a workspace that is mine alone. I weaponized the space and scared her yesterday.”
Confused, Ivers flipped open the folder and pulled his pen from his pocket. “Weaponized is an interesting word. How?”
“I don’t mean with guns and actual violence. I mean I’m closed off. I went in the room and shut the door. I couldn’t let her in.”
“Why?”
“Protecting her from me and all my crap.”
“Protecting her? Or protecting you?”
Hunt sighed, trying to ignore rugged emotions he usually shoved aside. “I’ve been protecting Cait since Afghanistan.”
“How does she feel about it?”
“Rolls with it for the most part. Sometimes she pushes back.”
“So, she lets you stay in your comfort zone.”
Hunt went silent. Truth pushed him.
“Yes,” he finally muttered. “Until I went too far. I cut myself off from her. She got worried. Came searching for me when I left the house, unsure what I might do.”
“Were you suicidal?”
“No. If I was going to take that approach, I would have done it when I was younger. It’s not on the table.”
“Things build up. Things change. Are you sure?”
“Yes, I wouldn’t leave her alone.”
“Sounds like she wasn’t sure.”
“No. I wasn’t telling her what was going on like usual.”
Ivers crossed his legs, staring at Hunt as if deciphering a puzzle. “Do you think showing pain makes you weak?”
