Page 15 of When We Were More
I hesitantly lift my eyes and glance at them. “I told her it was like a pencil.” I cringe inside because I’m aware of what’s coming.
Holden busts out with the most obnoxious laugh, and it’s Harrison, my more serious brother, who says something next. “To recap, you basically told her that all boys have pencil dicks?”
My brothers are dying with laughter, but my mom scolds Harrison.
“I swear, I can’t take you boys anywhere,” she says. Still, there’s a hint of a smile on her face.
It takes us a few minutes to quit laughing about my debacle, trying to explain penises to my sweet little angel, but we finally do. When our food comes, we enjoy small talk, catching up on what’s been happening in everybody’s lives over the last couple of weeks. Honestly, though, I’m close to my brothers, and I talk with them all the time. Because of that, we’re pretty connected. Even though Mom stayed back in Meadow Creek when we all moved, we see her regularly.
When everyone is done eating, right before we fight over the check, which is what we always do, Mom clears her throat.
“There’s something I would like to talk to you boys about.”
From her tone and the serious expression on her face, I’m suddenly preparing for the worst-case scenario—that she’s going to tell us she’s sick and there’s nothing they can do. I try to tamp those thoughts down. It’s not gonna help anybody, and she hasn’t told us anything yet.
“Your dad’s been gone for twelve years.” Everyone’s face turns stoic, even Holden isn’t smiling. “It’s no secret that you all saw how difficult a time I had when he died.” She glances up at me.
We all knew she was struggling, but I had intimate knowledge of the deeper stuff, the stuff that makes you realize that kind of love isn’t worth it. I was the one who held her and let her cry when I found her on the floor in Dad’s closet, his clothes pulled off hangers and surrounding her. I went over every morning for a month to practically force her to get out of bed and eat something. It was me who found—no, don’t go there. Stop.I don’t want to remember that.
“I’m seeing someone.” Suddenly, we’re all silent. No one is talking, silverware stills, and Mom has all of our attention. “I have been for a few months now. I care about him, so I wanted to make sure you boys heard it from me. When I’m ready to tell you more, I will.”
I get lost in my thoughts, I hear the background noise of my brothers talking to my mom about her revelation, but I can’t focus on the words. I’m shocked. After what my mom went through with my dad, I can’t believe she would let herself get into another relationship. Let alone one serious enough that she decided to tell us about it.
“Well, I’m happy for you, Mom,” Holden says. Hayden doesn’t say anything, but nods in agreement.
“Make sure he’s aware that you have five sons who will kick his ass if he hurts you,” Harrison says. “And make sure he doesn’t try to take advantage of…” Harrison rubs a hand through his hair, then sighs, probably only now realizing he shouldn’t have started to speak his mind.
“What?” Mom asks. “If it’s okay for you to think it, it should be okay for you to say it.”
Harrison looks up at her, and discomfort oozes off him. “Make sure he isn’t trying to take advantage of you because of your financial security.”
Mom frowns. “Sweetheart, I wish you wouldn’t look at everything good that we come across in life with such cynicism. There are people out there with ill intent, yes, but it’s not most people.”
Layla chooses that moment to squeeze herself between Holden and Hayden, her coloring book in one hand and her colored pencil in the other. She looks at them both and then turns to Hayden.
“Uncle Hayden, do you pee standing up like some boys?” Hayden smiles at her, not phased at all.
“I do,” he says.
Layla then glances across the table at my mom and says, “It’s ‘cause they have a penis that can move, Grandma.”
“Yes, they do.” My mom handles it smoothly, but Holden starts laughing, unable to control himself.
Layla turns to him, places her hand on her hip with the sass of a grown ass woman in a little body. It reminds me of Tillie.
“What’s so funny? You have a penis, too.”
Holden tries to hold in his laughter, but he fails. Miserably.
“You do, silly. It looks like this.” She holds up her colored pencil, waving it around, and Holden’s bellowing stops, but the rest of us, including Mom, can barely contain ourselves.
Now Hayden, whose mood has been a bit somber the last few times I’ve seen him, has perked up.
“That’s right, ladybug. Uncle Holden’s penis is exactly like your pencil there. Probably even smaller.”
Mariah, one of the twenty-something servers working today, is walking past our table and adds, “Yep, I’d say that’s about right.” She keeps on walking.
“Hey, you know that’s not true,” Holden calls to her, looking over his shoulder at her retreating form.
