Page 59 of When We Were More
That earns me a laugh and a pretty smile. I like that I drew that from her. When she stops laughing, she peers up at me. Her smile disappears, and she bites at her lower lip. Her brow wrinkles.
“Seriously, though. What are we doing here, Henry? We should probably talk about it.”
I rub at my morning stubble with my free hand, knowing she’s right.
“Yeah.” I’m at a loss for words, and I’m uncertain why. I usually shoot straight with women because I know exactly whatI want—or don’t want, rather. Nothing serious. Nothing that has the potential to break me like my mom broke when my dad died. Yet, I can’t get the words out.
Tillie clears her throat and pulls her legs up onto the swing, twisting herself to face me.
“Last night was great?—”
“Oh my God, are you about to say but?” I can’t hide the disbelief in my voice.
She gnaws at her lower lip.
“Henry, this is going to sound ridiculous, but you’re one of my few friends under the age of sixty-five. That, plus the fact that I think your kids are great and I enjoy seeing them, means I don’t want to lose this friendship.”
“Okay—”
“Wait, let me finish.” I nod. “Last night was great,butI can’t do more than that. I don’t have more to give anyone other than friendship and physicality.”
She holds a finger up, silently asking for a minute.
When she turns her head to look out into the darkness, I watch her close her eyes and take a deep breath. It strikes me how stunning she is, and it’s crazy she doesn’t see it. After a minute, she turns back to me.
“Please let me get this all out, and then you can say whatever you want. When I moved to Aron Falls five years ago, I wasn’t who I am now. I arrived here broken in many ways. Some of that I brought into my marriage, probably because of my relationship with my family, but a lot of it was from the marriage itself. Much of it was because Iletthings happen to me.”
I start to object, but stop myself.
“I’ve healed so much, Henry. But some parts stayed broken, and, for me, that means I don’t do relationships. Romantic relationships, I mean. I’m pretty sure I can’t, but, more importantly, I don’t want to. I’m not saying that’s what you’relooking for from me, but I wanted to put it out there from the get-go. I can’t be more than physical with anyone.”
Anxiety mars her pretty face. It’s obvious she’s worried about my response. What the fuck have the so-called important men in her life done to her? It seems she defaults to believing that sharing her thoughts and feelings will elicit negative reactions. I won’t be another man who reinforces that in her life.
Without speaking, I lift my arm again and hold it in the air while she stares at my side for several seconds. When she tucks herself in close again, I wrap my arm around her. Yeah, I never want to hurt Matilda Evans.
“Still friends, then?” I ask in a hushed voice.
She takes a few seconds to answer, and I start to panic that she’ll say no. I’m relieved when a soft, “Yes,” comes.
We swing in silence for a while until the sun starts to peek up over the eastern horizon.
“Thanks for finding my G spot, Henry.”
It’s the absolute last thing I expected her to say, and laughter rumbles through my chest. When I notice she’s not laughing, too, I peek down at her and see her lips curved downward at the corners. I pull back a little to see her face better.
“Oh, you’re serious.”
“Yeah,” she whispers. “I thought there was something wrong with me. That it was my fault sex wasn’t good for me.”
“Definitely nothing wrong with you, tiger.” I tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “You were a sensational partner. So goddamn sexy. I promise it wasn’t a you issue.”
She glances down at her lap.
“I really liked having sex with you.” Her voice is almost a whisper.
I put my thumb under her chin and tilt her head up until she’s looking at me. I hold her gaze, wanting to make sure I have her full attention when I say my next words.
“That was the best sex of my life, Matilda. To say I liked it wouldn’t be doing it justice.”
