Page 44 of When We Were More
She pauses and takes a sip of her drink, then clears her throat.
“I think for most people, math is one of those things that you either love or hate. As far as taking accounting in college, because of my love for math, I wanted to be able to use it to help other people. I know that if you think about jobs thathelp other people—service-type jobs—an accountant isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. But I look at it as an ability to help an entrepreneur—a small business in my community—with something that may not come naturally to them but is so critical to their business. If I can take that stress off of them, I feel like I’ve done a good thing.”
Ruthie smiles at her with affection in her eyes, and it warms me on the inside because I’ve never seen Ruthie like that with anyone else besides me. She only does it to me when she thinks I’m not watching. It’s the look a mother would give to a child that she’s proud of, and it always makes me feel warm inside.
Ruthie gently taps Shannon’s arm a few times. “You’re such a good girl, Shannon.”
When Ruthie turns to look at me, I smirk.
“Let me guess, Shannon is a good girl, and I’m the problem child?” I grin at her because everyone knows Ruthie and I give each other shit, but love each other dearly.
“I haven’t said that… Yet. But there’s still time and as much sass as you have, I’m sure before the end of the meal, you’ll be harassing this poor old lady.”
“Oh, brother. You’re laying it on thick today, huh?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now, go on, it’s your turn.”
I turn my gaze down to my hands, resting in my lap, and pick at my nail polish.
“Mine is less noble than Shannon’s. For me, like you, Shannon, math always came easily. I did well in all of my classes, but my English and writing classes were my least favorite. There’s too much room for interpretation and not always one right answer. Math isn’t like that. There’s always an answer that you can arrive at if you work hard enough.”
I’m hit with sadness I didn’t expect, and I need a second. I focus my attention out the window, and I bite at my lower lip tokeep from tearing up. When I’m ready, I take a deep breath and turn my attention back to them.
“Numbers don’t lie. They always tell the truth, and they don’t leave room for favoritism. Your answer is either right or wrong. It’s steady. As far as my accounting, it made sense to me. I figured it’s a way to work with what I love every day, and I enjoy the challenge of trying to find the missing piece when something isn’t matching up. Math never let me down. People have, but math hasn’t. Not once.”
Across the booth, Ruthie and Shannon are both staring at me, a hint of sadness in their eyes and something I hope is not pity. I don’t want to be pitied by anyone.
“I get that,” Shannon says. “You and I are even more alike than we thought, Tills.”
Our server brings our food and helps break up the moment. Thank goodness because I made it real awkward real fast. It relieves me somewhat. I’d hate to cry and go back to work with puffy eyes.
We spend the next twenty minutes eating our food and talking about the logistics of our move. When I’ve had enough, I push my plate aside and take a drink of my water to clear my throat.
“Ruthie, you should probably give a month’s notice, so you’ll likely start later than Shannon and me because we’ve already given our notices.”
Ruthie shrugs. “I have, too. Don’t worry. I gave it the day after you guys did.”
“What? You weren’t even sure we would have a job for you.”
“I knew I would be coming with you. There’s no way or reason for me to stay at Stinson if you two are gone.”
“Why did you stay so long then, Ruthie? You could’ve retired already.” Shannon hurries and adds, “Only because you told me, not because you look old enough, of course.”
“Nice save,” I chuckle.
Ruthie tosses a quick glance at me, and though I suspect that she didn’t intend for me to see it, I did. It wasn’t meaningless, either. But I can’t quite interpret it.
“Extra cash. You have no idea how much my clothes cost,” Ruthie says. She picks at her food, avoiding eye contact with either one of us.
It suddenly dawns on me. I narrow my eyes at her, waiting to see if she’ll look up at me, but she doesn’t. She’s staring at her food as if her chicken fajita roll-up is the most interesting thing in the world.
“Ruthie?”
She finally looks up at me and we stare at each other, neither of us saying anything right away. She puts down her silverware and sighs.
“Your Gram was my best friend for nearly my entire life. There was nothing more important to her in this world than you, Tillie girl. But, when—” she pauses and looks over at Shannon, then back at me, and I nod. She can speak freely in front of Shannon. “When you came to us five years ago, you were broken from that dickwad ex-husband of yours.” I force back a smile at the protectiveness in her voice.
Ruthie takes a sip of her water.
