Page 54 of Hearts Adrift
That’s all I am lately. A knotted-up ball of secrets and confusion and misdirected anxiety.
“You know what? It is such a rare night lately that all of us are home,” points out our dad. He smiles at Brooke. “Didn’t you say you’ve been itching for a movie night for a long time? Why don’t we make that happen tonight?”
Brooke’s eyes flicker back and forth between me and him. “I, um … well …”
I jump in. “Movies aren’t my thing. And I’m not really feeling it tonight. Maybe we—”
“Don’t you guys go weaseling out of family time like youtwo always do!” teases Heather, causing Brooke and I to freeze. “We’re doing this! I’ll go set everything up. Does our seven-speaker sound system even work anymore? I’ll go check.” She releases my arm, mercifully allowing blood circulation at last, and hurries off around the corner.
Brooke and I share a look.
A look that begs a conversation after said movie.
Because next, my dad ushers us both to the kitchen to help him with our impromptu movie night snacks. Then all of us are spread out on the couch and armchairs in the living room. The movie starts—something vaguely ringing a bell calledThe Quiet Monster—and I cuddle my tub of popcorn while imagining River hiding in the guestroom upstairs, possibly having heard all of this.
Maybe he’s right. I should stop lying to my family and just tell them he’s here. They’d understand, wouldn’t they?
The second I look over at Heather curled up in her favorite armchair, I realize no, she definitely wouldn’t. She wouldexplode. The potential scandal it’d unleash upon the Fair, for us to be harboring River Wolfe in our home and casting a shadow upon us—and just as she started to like me again since breaking the heart she alleges Theo has.
Not to mention my confusing knot of emotions when it comes to River himself. I’m not thrilled with how we left things at my bedroom door. I had a whole speech planned to give him after coming home tonight, down to different pivot paths I’d take depending on how he reacted. Now I’m choking down those words alongside a tub of popcorn.
Then the opening scene starts. Hard cut to a face.
River’s.
Close-up. Tortured expression. Dripping wet bangs and eyes glistening with emotion, right away. As if this is his actual face right now, projected onto our TV.
I meet Brooke’s eyes across the room. She’s already looking right back, perhaps sharing a similar inward panic. She grimaces at me as if in apology.
I grimace right back, accepting it.
Then we lock in, and I watch the first film I’ve seen in years—a film that happens to star an actor who, by totally insane circumstances, is hiding in our guestroom upstairs.
But just three minutes in, and I forget it’s River. He’s someone else—a man battling his demons. Is he a good person? Bad? Is there such a thing as either, or are we just quiet monsters suppressing our appetites all our lives?
I find myself attached to his character right away. Then hurting alongside him. Hoping alongside him. Rooting for him … then hating him.
I’m not sure seeing a film starring River Wolfe was all that great an idea in my current state of mind. I was, until an hour ago when this movie first started, prepared entirely to sever ties with him, friend-zone myself for good, and apologize for complicating his stay here in Dreamwood. I would let my sister help him, keep out of their way, and tend to the task of apparently preventing my own family’s financial demise—for which I’ve allegedly donated my lips, which warrants an entirely different conversation I will be having with my sister very, very soon.
But now as I sit here, fully engaged in a story centered around a person who is not River Wolfe yet looks exactly like him, I can’t help what my heart’s doing as it tugs for him in every single scene. I can’t help remembering how he touched me so tenderly and caringly on the couch in that bungalow. How he tended to my pain. How he listened as I poured my heart out. How he looked into my eyes when we sat together in the shaded and secluded Cottonwood Cove, feeling like we were the only people on the whole island.
How he’s been to me while living with him upstairs.
How he checks up on me.How he smiles…
I can’t deny the way he makes me feel any more than I can deny what seeing him on the TV does for my soul.
Letting go of River won’t be as easy as I expected.
Suddenly the screen freezes, and we’re made aware of Heather holding the remote. “So sorry,” she says, “but if I don’t go and take a piss right now …”
“Me, too,” admits Dad with a lighthearted laugh, and the two of them hop off the couch and hurry away.
Brooke and I meet each other’s eyes.
Then we quickly scoot together and pour it all out. “I didnotknow this was the movie they’d pick—” she hisses.
“It’s fine, it’s fine. What the heck was that about me being your kissing booth prince? I said Chase would do it!”
