Page 48 of Hearts Adrift
“River,” he growls.
“We were on our way to your room a minute ago.” He tries to say something else, but I put my finger to his lips. “Let our bodies do the talking.”
Then I replace my finger with my lips, kissing him with fire-rekindling intensity. He tries to resist for half a second before at last melting against me. The two of us drop back onto the couch,and I straddle his lap, taking him over, ready to pick up right where we left off.
He presses a hand to my chest. “River … I can’t.”
I pull back an inch. “Wouldn’t it be a touch easier with your cool sister knowing?” I point out. “I mean, we don’t have to sneak around as much, right?”
“I have another less-forgiving sister. And adad.”
“I’ll win them over, too.”
“And no, I don’t think we’re a thing.” He looks away, nearly pouting. “I don’t think we’re …justa thing.”
The subtle addition of that word “just” does so much.
So, so much to me.
I put a finger under his chin, directing his face back to mine. “A ‘thing’ can be whatever we want it to be. Serious. Fun. Lifelong. A fling.”
“I don’t—I thought we …” Then he lets it out: “I don’t fucking want afling, River.”
The cuss word is what truly sobers me. Finn really isn’t having fun. “Sorry.” I pull back. “I thought we—”
“Please let me up.”
It feels like ripping myself away when I get off of him. He rises from the couch at once and circles away from me to the window where he stops.
For an actor, I sure can beshitat reading people.
Am I ruining everything we’ve been building over our time together, pushing myself onto him like this? I should have learned by now in life that my intensity helps nothing. It only suffocates the people around me.
What is it about Finn that makes his rejection hurt way worse than anyone else?
I watch him for a while longer, unsure what to say or do as he stands there at that window. He’s so worried about his sister. Rightfully. He doesn’t really know me, not truly. He’s afraidof everything crashing down onto him and his family. And for what? A big-shot actor who is so extra that he requires more than one hiding place on this isle?
I’m the one who chose this place to stay. I brought this burden on him—this burden he definitely didn’t ask for.
It’s a wonder he hasn’t kicked me out already.
Sent me packing.
Told me to go back to the bungalow, that it isn’t his or his sister’s problem.
“It’s not so easy for me,” he says. “To do this. To … let loose and have fun with someone new. I’ve never had the chance. Theo was my only boyfriend.” He peers away from the window. “I’m sorry if I’ve been weird. You have a lot going on, too. My sister is just trying to help. And you probably see me as … a lovely distraction from it all.”
“Distraction?” I nearly laugh out.
“You have to understand, River, my heart can’t tell the difference between this sexual adventure we’re having … and … l-love. I’ve never had a hookup in my life. Not even once. Do you know what that’s like? I’ve only ever been in a serious relationship. This whole experience with you …” His arms cross tighter, hugging himself. “It’s freaking me out a little bit. I don’t know how to process it.”
“You’re not a distraction, Finn.”
“Maybe I …dowant this to be something real. Maybe I want this to be more than some funthingthat happened to you in your … your exciting little escape-from-Hollywood chapter of your life. I don’t want to be just a chapter.”
“Hey, hey.” I come up to his side by the window. “You arenotjust a chapter, Finn. Trust me. A guy like you? You’re, like … the whole fucking book.”
“And even books can get tiresome. Then you set them aside, forget about them, and they become a paperweight.”
