Page 52 of Hearts Adrift
Something truly for me.
Something that I will know, long after it’s gone, was a true chance at everlasting happiness.
But that’s just it, isn’t it? I know it’ll be gone. I know he’s only here for now. My heart is too naïve, believing he is here forever, that this feeling I’ve captured from falling into the trap of his eyes will stay with me forever. That he isn’t just another treasure with a time limit, ready to vanish from my life and abandon me the second the coast is clear.
I close my eyes, breaking the connection. “I’m … I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
This time, his foot doesn’t stop the door from closing.
What the hell am I doing?
I ask myself this the following evening when I decide, for the first time in a week, to go out. And, predictably, it’s to the Easy Breezy I go, in search of Cooper’s long-sought-after advice. The man’s a vault. I can tell him everything, even this, and it won’t go anywhere.
Once again, it’s not Cooper I find: “Dude, like, does it really matter if it’s just a fling? Have sex with him. Do it already. Enjoy it.Boinkthe bastard.”
Chase gives terrible advice.
“It matters tomeif it’s a fling,” I say right back.
“I’ve been saying it for weeks that you should have a hot rebound.” He picks up his glass and swirls the liquid inside. We’re at a table on the outdoor patio section of the Easy Breezy. It’s starting to get dark, but there are still a lot of people out on the beach. I think it’s someone’s bachelor party or something. “And if it becomes real, great, and if it doesn’t, also great! No headache afterwards.”
“I don’t want arebound. I want more. I’d thought wewerebuilding something more, but maybe …” I sigh and sink against the banister to my side. “It’s all in my head.”
“What was this guy’s name again?”
I look away and clear my throat. “Cal.”
“Cal? Like, short for Calvin or something?”
“Sure.”
Chase chuckles, sitting back. “Finn and Cal … I’m not hearing bells with that combo. Cal. Sounds like a straight-curious dude headed back to his dusty little town after the weekend’s over. Probably has a wife and six kids, too.”
Or a nationwide scandal involving his fist and the big-name director whose jaw it collided with. “It neverfeltlike a fling. I know he didn’t come here for sex. He came for an escape from … from a situation in his life.”
“Hmm, okay …”
“Things just got serious between us for a minute. Then hot. Then fun. And serious again. We’re growing closer … but I’m worried that the moment his ‘situation’ ends, he’ll be outta here. Where does that leave me?”
“But … you haven’t actually had sex yet?”
I frown at Chase across the table. “No.”
“Easy fix. Just do the do with him.”
I sigh. “Did you even listen to anything I just said?”
“You’re making all of this too complicated, dude. Just do it.Boinkhim. You’re clearly into him, he’s clearly into you. The math isn’t complicated.”
The math is more complicated than you can possibly imagine, Mr. Chase. Of course I don’t say that. I just slump against the table with a sigh and stare off toward the beach.
I have to be honest with myself. How did I think this would end? With River and I getting together? That if the day comes that this scandal blows over, he’s not going to head back home to his huge life as a movie star?
But the way he looks into my eyes …
The words he says …
How he captures me with poetry and makes me feel like I’m the only person on this island worth his breath.
