Page 120 of Hot Mess Express
At last, like musical notes from a flute, Bethie lets out a flurry of laughter from her gut that shatters the whole room apart.
Trey seems more disturbed by the laughter than the silence.
Until finally she puts his fears to rest. “My sweet son-in-law, you adorable young man, Trey … no. No, no, no. Your father and I arenotgetting married. Not ever again.”
“Of course not,” Trey’s father Mitch comes in, breaking out of his spell of puzzlement. “I made a vow never to marry again. Ever since your mother passed, son.”
Bethie reaches out suddenly for Trey’s hand, pulling him out of his seeming daze. “And I wouldn’t ever … notever, not even by chance … dream of replacing your amazing, wonderful mother in any way whatsoever.”
“Wouldn’t mind you replacing the memory of my shit-stain dad,” mumbles Cody at Mitch, emboldened by his alcohol. Then he whispers an apology and steps back, allowing them to resume.
With Bethie holding and squeezing Trey’s hand, I watch with relief as he finally begins to relax. “Well, I …” He looks back and forth at them, from his own father to Cody’s mother. “I just don’t understand. All the gossip circling back to me. About you two. And all of the … the secret dates you’ve been going on. Visiting each other’s houses at all hours …”
“Oh, look at your son,” chuckles Bethie, shaking her head as she turns to a partly amused Mitch. “Nowhe’sthe adult chiding the mischievous pair ofus…”
Mitch smiles warmly back. “That’s my son for you, wiser than us all.” He picks up his mug for another sip.
“No, we’re not getting married,” Bethie assures him one more time. Then her face straightens. “But wearehavin’ sex.”
Mitch chokes into his mug, spraying its contents out.
Juni and Pete gasp, continuing to watch the scene like a movie in real life. Cody bursts into laughter. Trey is sputtering nonsense, incapable of forming an actual sentence, while his dad’s face turns a color I’m not sure is humanly possible. Anthony, who has since decided to pick a side, lifts his glass of Coke in a kind of salute of respect for Bethie’s admirable frankness.
I doubt there’s any hope for saving this surprise ending to our unusual night, as the conversation certainly doesn’t end there, only succeeding in driving Trey even more crazy, his questions multiplying, as well as his exasperation with his dear husband’s unstoppable booms of laughter.
Ironically being the only one out of the four of us who didn’t drink, Anthony drives the four of us back home to Happy Trails, with me and Pete in the backseat and Juniper up in the front, still cackling endlessly about how our night concluded. We figured it was appropriate to leave Trey and Cody with their parents to put to rest their big stepbrothery nightmare for good.
For some reason, Pete seems awfully fidgety in his seat. I keep eyeing him while Juni is going on and on about a funny story that Mayor Strong told her at the party about Anthony’s eventful time in the bachelor pageant, but Pete’s whole mind is somewhere else. He’s breathing funny, too. I swat at his leg and he doesn’t notice.
Then, without any assistance from me, he straightens right up like someone just pricked his ass with a needle. “Juni?”
Midsentence, Juni stops her story and spins around in her seat to smile at him sweetly. “Yes, Petey baby?”
Petey baby.
Anthony and I share a look through the rearview.
It’s a term of endearment we hadn’t heard before.
They have many.
“I, uh … I just wanted to say, like … I’ve … I’ve been thinking. A lot. I’ve been …” He swallows, his mouth dry, and swipes a hand over his forehead and through his hair. “I did a ton of thinking in Kansas. Back home. Home in Kansas. And I realized a few things.”
“Oh, Iloverealizing things,” sings Juni with total sincerity.
“I realized my life up there … it isn’t for me. My parents, they do just fine without me. They’re happy. And I’m … I’m just … oh, who am I kidding? I don’t think I’ve been happier in my whole life than when I’m—”
A boom cracks through the car, surprising us all.
The vehicle veers suddenly to the left, then the right, and the left again. Anthony, spooked, turns the wheel and comes to a dead stop at the side of the road, wide-eyed, breathing heavy.
After a second, he sighs. “Lick a dick… think we just got a flat. A fuckin’ flat.”
Pete droops his head, mortified.
Somehow, I don’t think it’s because of the flat.
“Hey, Pete?” I put a hand on his back, giving it a rub.
