Page 19 of Genesis
Two weeks later,we stood haggard, broken and bleeding, leaning on each other just to keep upright. In the distance, Genesis stood like a row of piranha teeth choking smoky breath into the grey sky.
“It’s different now,” Zade said, voice destroyed from withdrawal and crying. “They’ve got a wall built now.”
Good. “You’re sure that’s where you wanna go?” I double-checked.
“My crew…”
Yeah, I’d been selfish to drag Zade with me. He would have done a lot more healing if he’d just gone to Genesis with his crew in the first place. They’d be better at comfort and support, and fuck, he needed that. No part of me wanted to live in a walled-off community with some dictator, but I’d do it for him. Reluctantly.
“Alright. Let’s fucking go then.” I stepped out of the bush.
Zade latched onto my jacket and pulled me back. When I looked at his deeply troubled eyes, I broke just a little bit more. “Let’s…”
“You need to go there, Zade.”
“You’re coming with me though, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah.” I fucking hated promises. Hated keeping them.Fuck you for making me promise, Zan.
“I can’t yet.”
I tilted my head, studying him. Trying to read his stupid mind. “Why?” He’d never find Amelia’s body, so he had to let that one go, no matter how much it hurt.
“Can we just go to the lake one more time first?”
My chest cracked open to spill out all my hurt. “Y-yeah.”Fuck you for breaking, voice.Without another word, I walked in the direction of Synner’s Lake, unable to stand there and let him watch me break again.
We found ourselves sitting amongst the rubble and ashes of the cottage we’d burned down. I thought seeing it again might fill Zade with regret, but he only stared at it with dead eyes and then plopped his ass on the ground to stare at the lake.
Grief hit hard in the dead of night. Then again, it hit hard at all times. Synner’s Lake was now the only tie we had to Zan, and I knew we’d be visiting it for however long our lives lasted. A watery gravesite in the middle of turmoil, surrounded by rocky cliffs and a burned-down cottage. It wasn’t what I pictured as the eternal resting place of the man I loved, but it was the best he’d get. Even in death, I failed him. At least it gave Zade somewhere to visit.
I guessed he’d visit Amelia in the darkest parts of his newly re-broken soul.
Zade had always been ruined because of what their dad did to him. He had lived through hell since the moment their mom walked out on them, and if there was one thing I could do for him in this next phase of life, it’d be to put him back together without him knowing I was doing it.
“We’re going to Genesis tomorrow?” I double-checked, wanting to know where his mind was at.
He nodded, but said nothing. He just sat in his anger and his agony.
Zade fucking hated me. I sort of hated him, too. He had a reason to hate me, and that reason was his blame for Zan’s death. I didn’t really have a justifiable reason to hate him. My fury towards him came because of what he looked like. A forever taunt. A forever flaunt. He got to walk around in the body minecraved, and for that alone, I’d hate him. Being near him would mentally fuck me up forever, but maybe I wanted to be messed up. I was a masochist because my dick sometimes got hard when I saw him change, and the fantasies in my head sometimes blurred his attitude with Zan’s body. I couldn’t help being sexually attracted to the body, but I’d never act on it. Couldn’t. Zan would haunt me, and Zade would hate me more.
I wouldn’t mind being haunted…
“Give me something,” Zade said. “One last night. Let me get high as fuck and say goodbye to my twin, Dire.”
The lake rippled in warning. Zan didn’t want me to give him drugs, but Zan wasn’t here in the flesh and Zade didn’t deserve to feel the full weight of all his anguish.
I’d saved a bunch of pills and the vials of liquid, so I shuffled around in my pack and tossed him the baggy of mixed pills. “Don’t die.”
Or do.Whatever you need.
He took a few and swallowed them with a bottle of water. When he looked at me, his eyes were blood red, so I shuffled through my pack again and handed him Zan’s glasses. He put them on and blinked a few times. “Take some.”
I wasn’t a fan of drugs, and now that I wasn’t actively trying to off myself, I didn’t overly want to do any. One of us needed to stay alert to protect his drugged ass. There weren’t any more bombs or outside forces, but the grey area still wasn’t safe. Rebel groups, vigilantes, terrible people, other communities, and even cannibals lived out here now. We’d run into enough of them over the past month.
“Please.” His voice cracked, wobbling all over the place. “Please.”
Goddammit. I snatched the baggie. “Fine, but this is the last time. Tomorrow, you get your shit together.”
