Page 94 of Tales of a Deadly Devotion
‘Me,’ I answered, voice unwavering because I’d made a promise not to be afraid of those truths. Not anymore. ‘She died holding me. My magic consumed her remains; a command my father had given it.’
Perhaps another reason he’d asked for my forgiveness. I’d lost my voice screaming for it to stop but it wouldn’t. Not until she was nothing but ashes in a storm wind. The whole cottage, every piece. It would have destroyed any protective charms, even one strong enough to conceal that book.
I knew there was nothing left. I’d crawled through the ashy remains of my childhood. Held it between my palms. Was haunted by it every night since.
Gideon went so still, as if the pain in my voice saddened him as much as it tore open something in my chest. A wound I’d ignored for too long. ‘It destroyed every part of her. As if knowing what horrid things they’d do with even one piece.’
How they’d desecrate the body of a woman who made her own choices. Who loved a Kysillian male and birthed his child. Now it made so much sense. Why my magic would want to protect her even in death, because if she knew where that book was …
My eyes moved to the disturbed grave, the loose mound of soil. They’d bring her back somehow. They’d use whatever dark summoning cost them their souls … because this madness had no cure.
I looked up into Emrys’s dark eyes, blurred with my tears. ‘I know it wasn’t there. My fire would have undone any charm protecting it.’
‘It’s all right, Croinn.’ He reached for my hand so easily. As if this dark secret between us was nothing at all. As his fingers slipped between my own, tight and forgiving.
‘The book wasn’t in the King’s possession when he died.’ Emrys turned his attention back to Gideon, who’d braced his hands on his hips, glaring at the frozen earth as if it held the answers. ‘He didn’t utilise it during the wars.’
‘Which means she stole it just before she ran,’ Thean finished, looking unbothered by the entire mystery as if waiting for us to catch up.
‘There was nothing in the Ainsworth compendium, William?’ Gideon seemed to chew on his irritation.
‘The gobrite’s residency ruined most of the text. Chewed right through the bloody pages.’ William shifted nervously. ‘So, the Compendium of Souls could be anywhere.’
It could have been, but in all of my uncertainty, there was one thing I knew more than anything else. I knew my mother. Knew every story she told.
‘There is only one place she would have gone.’ The only place she would have returned to. If only to say goodbye to the ghosts that lingered there. ‘The Greymark estate.’
Where it had all begun for her, and where it had all ended. She spoke fondly of the woodland house. The only place in the world she’d felt safe before my father. Before her monsters arrived to turn it into a nightmare.
‘The family sold off their estate decades ago. It was torn down.’ Gideon’s answering tone had at least softened slightly.
I shook my head. ‘No. The northern house. The one bordering the south woods.’
Emrys considered my words for a moment, rubbing his jaw before he shrugged. ‘It’s a good place to start.’
‘And here I was thinking I’d get some fucking rest tonight.’Gideon pinched the bridge of his nose. Alma barked her annoyance at him.
‘Surely it’s already been raided to death?’ William worried his lip.
‘Old houses have tricks of their own,’ Emrys offered. ‘Especially one left alone that long.’
It was a start. If Montagor was looking into the past – he might not be searching for the Compendium of Souls, might not even believe it existed but if we could find it … it would give us an advantage.
‘Let’s get back in the bloody house. I’m sure it’ll be perturbed to be missing out on all the family revelations,’ Gideon commanded with a clap of his gloved hands, taking William’s shoulder and guiding him down the path towards where the doorway hummed.
Alma gave me one assessing look before trotting off after them. I didn’t see Thean leave as I turned to Emrys.
‘I should have—’ The words felt too heavy on my tongue as I looked down at the horrid remains of the diary in my other hand. How I’d made another mistake so easily. ‘I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.’
‘I know, Croinn.’ He gathered me to him so gently, until my unsteady breath brushed against his throat. Needing him even closer. His arms strong bands around me that felt unbreakable. ‘It doesn’t change anything.’
‘Even if I lied? Even if they were right about me all this time?’ My voice was so small. So fearful.
Murderer. Liar.Coward, repeated through my mind. All their mocking slights.
That I was some foul thing. Impure. A liar. That panic wouldn’t leave me. Even if I didn’t regret any of it. That this thing inside of me was smothered for a reason.
Yet, the smallest smile came to his lips as his thumb traced my jaw.
