Page 60 of Tales of a Deadly Devotion
The beasam bark. The suppressant to his magic.
‘You’ve stopped.’ I hadn’t even contemplated what the withdrawal from it would be like for him. With just how potent and temperamental the bark could be.
‘I can’t sense things I should with it. Fairfax wouldn’t have happened if—’
‘That wasn’t your fault.’ I ran my thumb across the sharp line of his jaw. ‘Not everything is your fault, Emrys.’
Those solemn dark eyes watched me with such caution. As if trying to find the lie. Disbelieving it didn’t bother me as his fears told him it should.
Those eyes became pitch-black as they took me in. Standing before him in disarray, in my nightgown that had seen better days, still wearing his coat.
‘What you said in the Council chamber.’ His tone was gentle but quiet. Haunted. As if every word I’d said in that chamber lingered for him even now. ‘Did he ever hurtyoulike that?’
What Daunton had done. The sharp claws of fear buried themselves in my heart, threating to shorten my breath but I refused to be cowed by my memories. Not here. Not with him.
The importance of what he was asking me. Why he was asking. What nobody had bothered to ask before. Would rather pretend it hadn’t happened at all.
‘No.’ I shook my head.
His eyes ran over every inch of my expression as if seeking out the hint of a lie. ‘You’d tell me?’
Something sparked in my chest at the depth of emotion in his eyes. It mattered to him. Everything about me mattered to him.
‘I’d tell you.’ Truth. I knew I’d tell him because those words were safe in the small space between us.
Then came the cold brush of shame against my skin. For not telling the truth sooner. For never speaking of it.
‘Kysillians don’t bear scars. It’s a shame to hold a mark on your skin, a reminder that you were bested by a lesser being.’ The words rubbed uncomfortably against my throat on the way out. Seeing that darkness in his eyes harden with wrath. His thoughts going to my back, at just how marked I was. ‘I thought it was punishment from the ancestors. That I was weak. Why they hurt Alma. Why they cursed Master Hale.’
A harsh breath left me as the weight of those fears finally escaped the confines of my chest. Emrys’s hands had come to rest gently at my waist, my own finding their way to his forearms. Holding on as if fearful I could fall apart.
‘I believed it for so long.’ My eyes came up to meet his dark ones. Seeing the burn of my lavender reflected there. Seeing the harshness of his features with his worry for me. As I looked at his own scars that had never bothered me. Never made me see him any differently.
‘Only now I know, none of it was my fault.’ My hands slid up until they rested at the side of his neck, over those marks on his own skin. How he came closer, as if trying toshield me even here. As his hands slip around my back. The strong warmth of his touch comforting me.
‘None of this was your fault either, Emrys,’ I whispered, as I brushed my thumb over the scarred side of his cheek. Seeing that shift of darkness beneath his skin. ‘It doesn’t frighten me … to see you as you are. Nothing about you frightens me.’
Just as it didn’t frighten me to see Alma in all her forms.
I’d seen the evil of this world. Felt the callous cruelty of it as I held onto him. As I felt that magic brush across my skin, I knew there was none of it in him.
My thumb dragged across the rough stubble of his cheek. As I saw the tiredness in his features, the weariness in his shoulders with his exhaustion. ‘You need to rest.’
‘I don’t think the house has given me a choice on that,’ he answered dryly, leaving me to peek over his shoulder and see the door had vanished.
A nervous laugh bubbled from my lips. Making his decisions for him.
‘Will you come to bed?’ I asked quietly, ignoring the sting of heat at my cheeks. It was only sleep after all.
Where I thought I’d see amusement, he was looking at the bed. Pensive.
‘I promise not to debauch you,’ I blurted out like a fool, remembering the last time we’d both been in this room. Realising maybe it was too forward. Too much. ‘You don’t have to if—’
‘All right, Croinn.’ He pulled me closer, the ghost of a kiss brushing my forehead before he withdrew gently, reluctantly. As he slipped into the bathroom, I took a moment trying not to panic as I moved to the bed and turned down the sheets before combing my hair into a loose tangle down my back.
I tried to find my nerve. Obviously I’d shared a bed with Emrys before. However, reminding myself ofthatwasn’t settling my nerves. No – it made my magicsurge, making my skin too warm. Playfully excited.
‘Behave,’ I hissed as I pulled off his coat, hanging it up neatly. Fidgeting as I tried to sort out the side table still littered with healing items. I should have rifled through his coat pockets when I had the chance, I might have found something interesting – something to talk about.
