Page 75 of Must Love Bees
When the house came into view, he zeroed in on it and only it. He was so close. Each step was weighted and the ground shifted but he’d get there. He had to get there.
The porch railing helped him pull himself up the steps. He braced a hand against the wall until he’d reached the door. Inside, the house was like an oven. He forced the dining room door wide and stumbled inside, gasping for breath.
Even with the cool darkness of the room, Charlie was baking.
He sat on the edge of the table, shaking, and gripped its edge with both hands.Breathe, dammit. Tears stung his eyes.Get it together. He pressed his eyes shut.Get it together.
“Charlie?” Astrid’s voice. Astrid’s hands on his shoulders. “Are you okay? Was it a bad phone call?”
Speaking wasn’t an option. Hell, if he let go of the table, he’d fall to the floor. She couldn’t see that. She shouldn’t seeanyof this.
“Did you get overheated?” Astrid tugged the tape loose, unzipped the hood and pushed it back.
Cool air flooded his lungs and soothed his scorched skin but he still couldn’t say a word.
“You’re soaking.” Astrid was fanning him.
He couldn’t open his eyes—couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t bear to see her realize the truth. If she knew what was happening, what he fought against, she’d see him for who he was. Broken. Emotionally damaged. Unworthy.
“Charlie?” Her fingers smoothed through his sweat-soaked hair. “Is everything okay?”
He resisted leaning into the hand she pressed to his cheek. Instead, he pulled her between his legs and against him. If she couldn’t see him, maybe he could hide the truth from her for a little bit longer. He buried his face against her chest and breathed her in. Deep, strong breaths that fed his starving lungs with her scent. Comfort. Safety. His hold tightened, until there was nothing separating them.
He felt her stiffen in his hold and braced himself.
“Charlie,” she whispered, cradling his head against her. With a sigh, she relaxed. The rapid beat of her heart echoed beneath his ear. Over and over, she smoothed his hair with slow, even strokes.
He hated the need that shook him. Hated that her touch soothed him.
A real man kept his shit together. He deals—without making an ass out of himself. A real man isn’t weak.That had been his father’s response after he’d witnessed one of Charlie’s panic attacks. He’d been packed off for military school the next week.
He had learned to deal, for the most part. Panic attacks like this were a rarity. But they were a part of who he was. He’d seen enough doctors and therapists to know there was no cure. Managing was the best he could do.
“I think Kerrielynn did a great job today. I think, once she graduates from college, she’ll be an asset to Texas Viking Honey. That’s Dane’s family’s honey farm. If, of course, she and Leif are still together.” She kept up the same steady, reassuring touch. “I’d like to think they’ll make it. I know they’re young but I don’t think that matters when it comes to love. Real love, anyway.”
He should tell her love didn’t exist.
“Poor Leif went through some dark times—and not all that long ago, either. But Kerrielynn has helped with that. With her, he seems more confident. And happy.” She paused. “Before I forget, I set aside some fresh honeycomb for you and the girls. It’s a treat. I think that’s why Aunt Camellia’s cooking is so delicious. She uses honey in everything. And I meaneverything.”
He realized he’d stopped shaking.
“That’s a Hill family thing, though. We have a book full of generations’ worth of recipes and anecdotes. Aunt Camellia and Aunt Magnolia keep it up now, though Tansy and I have added a note or two. Shelby, too, now that she’s here.” She paused again a bit.
“Are you okay?” She hugged him. “That’s the only question I’ll ask. I promise.”
He shook his head again. He’d acted like this and she wasn’t expecting an explanation? He had never met anyone like Astrid.Because there is no one else like Astrid. “I will be.”
“Okay.” She went back to stroking his hair. “You have lovely hair, Charlie. It’s so thick. Nicole said she wanted to cut it a little, but I like it just like it is. Besides, if you let Nicole cut it, you might end up with a pink or blue stripe. Nicole doesn’t shy away from making bold statements with her hair. But, as she likes to point out, it’s just hair.” She laughed. “Nova did ask how she could get a stripe in her hair.”
“Oh?” Slowly, he eased his hold on her.
“I told her there were clips with all sorts of different colors of hair attached and that would be best so she could change it out herself. She seemed content with that.”
“Thank you.” His arms relaxed a bit more. “She adores you.”
“And I adore her. What’s this rat monster she’s talking about, Charlie? She’s really scared about it. Halley said it was just a nightmare but Nova swears it’s not.”
“She didn’t dream about it before we got here.” With a deep breath, he sat up. He took another deep breath and managed to meet Astrid’s gaze. “But she hasn’t had an easy time sleeping since Yasmina’s death.”
