Page 102 of Must Love Bees
“I’m not good at this dad thing.” He heard her muttered “No duh,” but kept on going. “I worry about you and Nova all the time.”
“You’re not worrying about me. You hate me.” She spat the words out. “I know you do.”
Charlie was momentarily speechless. “Halley, I’ve never hated you.”
“You do.” She was so angry her face went dark red. “Ever since Mom’s crash. You can’t look at me. All I do is mess up. Because you know it was my fault.”
He was lost now. “Nothing is your fault.”
“Right.” She rolled her eyes. “Mom’s dead because of me. It’s my fault.” Tears streamed down her face, every word raw. “Team A was me and Mom. Team B was you and Nova. Remember? If I’d been there, Mom wouldn’t have had that crash. I could have stopped her or saved her... She wouldn’t be dead.” She sobbed. “But I wasn’t there. She died. And you hate me for it.”
He couldn’t breathe. “Halley.” All this time, she’d been carrying this inside of her—with no one to talk to. His heart sliced in two. “That’s not true.”
“It is,” she yelled.
He rose onto his knees and gripped her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Halley. I’m so sorry. It’s not true. If you’d been there...” His chest tightened. He couldn’t think about it. Couldn’t bear the pain that threatened to consume him. “I couldn’t... No...” His eyes were on fire. “I could have lost you both.” He cradled her face. Would he have survived that? “It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you, Halley. I would never blame you.”
She was watching him with tears streaming down her face.
“I’m terrible at this.” He was probably butchering everything he was trying to say. “I did lie to you about the phone. I did. It was wrong.” He shook his head. “Some of the girls you were hanging around with weren’t nice. You got so caught up in social media. They made you cry and picked on you and made you feel less and that was bullshit.” He broke off. “Sorry.” He shook his head again. “I wanted to protect you. You’ve been hurt too much. You deserve better friends than that. I should have talked to you but I’m not good at talking. As you can tell.”
Halley stared at him for a long time.
“I could never hate you, Halley. I love you, very much. You are my daughter.”
She stared crying again.
“I am sorry I haven’t been here for you. I’m sorry I messed up with the phone...and pretty much everything.” He didn’t know what else he could say.
“You don’t hate me?”
Dammit. He sat and pulled her into his lap, rocking her back and forth. All this time he’d been trying to protect her—which hurt her more than he knew. “I love you. I will always love you.”
She hugged him.
Every single sob was a blow to his heart. All this pain. All these tears. He’d done this to her. He kept on rocking her. “I’m doing it all wrong. I want to be your dad.”
“Youaremy dad,” she murmured. “That’s why it hurt that you didn’t want me.”
“Oh, Halley.” It was his turn to cry. His father had been cruel, but Charlie had always known what his father thought of him. Charlie hadn’t said enough—he’d let his little girl read all of her fears into that silence. “Please forgive me. I promise I’ll try harder. I’ll never stop trying. We have to be honest with each other—even when it’s hard. Okay?”
She nodded against his chest.
He’d screwed this up completely. He loved Halley and he’d still hurt her. If he’d needed further confirmation that he’d never be good enough for Astrid, he had it. Instead of pulling her into his disaster of a life, he needed to focus on those that were already living it with him. Halley and Nova were all that mattered. It would hurt to let Astrid go...but he’d never had her to begin with.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ASTRIDFINISHEDBRAIDINGNova’s hair. “All done.”
Nova reached up to run her fingers along the two French braids. “Just like yours.” She gave Astrid a kiss on the cheek and ran out of the kitchen.
“Benji’s ready to start the movie.” Nicole stepped aside as Nova ran past. “Benji brought one of his old dinosaur movies. I can’t wait to hear what Nova thinks.” She lowered her voice, “FYI, Charlie and Halley are in there, too.”
Astrid had caught sight of the two of them outside. Whatever they’d been discussing had looked too intimate to interrupt. She hoped that, whatever it was, they’d worked it out. With Nova, all it took was some hugs and bedtime stories and a little time to make her happy. It was more difficult with Halley. Which meant it was even more difficult for Charlie.
“How are you holding up?” Shelby wiped off Bea’s face and set the toddler on her play mat. “About Camellia?”
“I’m relieved. It all happened so fast, though. It still feels a little...unreal.” Astrid sat with Bea on the floor. “But I know Aunt Camellia and I know she’ll get better.” The alternative wasn’t an option.
