Page 77 of One More Made Up Love Song
“Because if he doesn’t feel the same way, there’s no way I cankeepfaking. I have to walk the red carpet with him at a movie premiere next week.”
“You don’thaveto do anything,” Laney says. “I remind Adam of that all the time. There are always expectations, but his peace is more important than anything else. More than Midnight Rush. More than recording contracts or the expectations of his fans. If it’s true for him, it’s true for you too. Freddie would understand.”
“I know. I know he would. But we have a plan. And the positive press is really helping him right now. I don’t want to back out now.”
“Okay. I get it.” We’re quiet for a beat, but then she nudges my shoulder with hers. “I recognize the many,manylayers of complications here,” she says, “but you have to at least tell me one thing. Was that kiss as good as it looked?”
My skin flushes as I think of Freddie’s hands sliding up my arms, his fingers pressing into the base of my scalp as his mouth devoured mine.
I breathe out a sigh.
“It wasn’t,” I finally say. “It was better.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Freddie
I can’t decideif I’m frustrated or relieved that after the kiss to rival all kisses, Ivy decides to avoid me. She eventually comes back out to the party, but she stays close to Laney and does her level best to avoid eye contact.
When we get back to the house, she makes a vague comment about being tired and disappears into her bedroom before we have the chance to talk.
I leave for the studio the next morning before she wakes up, and by the time I come home, she’s watching a movie with her sister and doesn’t do more than wave to me from her corner of the couch where she’s burrowed into a nest of blankets. I’m exhausted after working all day, so I crash before the movie is over.
Which is how I wind up in my kitchen the following morning, nearly thirty-six hours after the kiss, still having not had a conversation with Ivy.
The good news is my time in the studio wasveryproductive. Working with Leo has been amazing, and having Jace and Adam around to lend their expertise has made everything feel easier.
But it’s more than that. This thing with Ivy has woken me up. Broken through whatever logjam was keeping my brain from working—fromwriting.
The bad news is I can’t stop thinking about that kiss.
I shouldn’t be surprised that Ivy thinks we were only doing it because someone was watching. That was the plan. The agreement we made. And maybe Ididrecognize an entertainment reporter watching us from the edge of the dance floor before we kissed.
But that isn’t why I wanted to kiss her. Or why I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
When she pulled away, the expression on her face looked an awful lot like regret. But then she ran, and I lost the opportunity to talk to her. To ask if I pushed too far. Made her uncomfortable.
She kissed me back. Iknowshe kissed me back, and it felt like she was aware of the same current, the same fire, that I was.
But I can’t be sure I didn’t read everything wrong. That my own desire didn’t cloud my judgment and make me see and sense things that weren’t really there.
And don’t even get me started on the spiral that starts whenever I think about what would happen if Ivydoeshave feelings for me.
What would it look like?
Would she have to stop working for me? It might not matter, since she’s already planning to leave. But if thingsdidn’t work out, would that mean she wouldn’t be in my life at all?
I don’t know how to quiet the questions. To make any kind of sense of my jumbled thoughts.
I turn my phone face down next to my empty coffee cup and drop my head onto my arms, resting them on the cool kitchen countertop. I didn’t get enough sleep last night, but Leo’s expecting me in the studio again in a couple hours, and I’d like to see Ivy before I go.
I wish I could ask her to come with me, but I already told her she could take some time off to spend with her sister. She’s still been doing a lot—honestly, things would probably fall apart if she didn’t—but she’s doing it from her corner of the house without ever venturing into mine.
I don’t like spending less time together. If we were in a real relationship, we would be spendingmoretime together.
Which is what I want.
Ithinkit’s what I want?
