Page 93 of When Alec Met Evie
I practically choke on my popcorn. “Seriously? You’re just tossing out that question like it’s no big deal?”
“Why not? I’m curious.”
“It hasn’t even beena month,” I say.
“Yes, it has been. You kissed him before the Halloween thing, and that was definitely a month ago.”
“It wasthreeweeks ago,” I correct. “And that is way too soon to be saying any I love yous.”
“You guys are no fun,” Megan says. “You’ve basically known each other forever. You should just say it already. I bet you already feel it.”
It’s possible she’s right, but if she is, I’m definitely not tellingherbefore I tell her brother.
Eventually, Parker drops into the seat beside me, and we chat for the last few minutes of warmups. The entire time, something niggles in the back of my brain. A quiet discomfort telling me that all is not right with the world. Is it Alec? Was there really something bothering him during warmups?
I look down to check on Juno and find her perfectly content, pacifier in her mouth and noise-cancelling headphones snug on her ears. Yesterday, Alec brought over a pair in Appies turquoise and gray, tiny logos centered on each earpiece. He had them made just for her, and I’m so glad he did because it’s really loud in here, and I wouldn’t have thought to get her any.
She seems fine, so what else could it be?
When my phone buzzes from the outside pocket of my diaper bag, I scramble for it, already expecting bad news. Which is weird. I’m not the kind of person who usually gets premonitions.
But sure enough, the text on my phone is definitely bad news. It even came with its own warning label.Hey, Evie. Bad news.
Devon
Hey, Evie. Bad news. I’ve got to go to California for a few days, so I can’t come for Thanksgiving. But this is big. Could even be huge. I wish I could see you and Juno, but I can’t miss this opportunity. I’ll let you know more soon.
I read the text once, then again, then a third time.
He’s not coming.
For weeks, I’ve been preparing my mind, thinking through how co-parenting is going to look, making room to let him back in, at least in part, because I wanted Juno to know her father.
And he’s not. freaking. coming.
I force a breath out through my nose and hand my phone to Megan, my eyes locked on the Zamboni driver as he moves from one side of the ice to the other.
Beside me, I hear Megan swear under her breath before her arm wraps around my shoulders. “You okay?”
I breathe out a disbelieving laugh. “Honestly, I don’t know why I ever believed him. This is Devon we’re talking about.Of coursehe isn’t coming. I should have known from the start.”
“No,” Megan says, her tone firm. “There is noyou should havein this situation. He told you he was coming. That he wanted to meet his daughter. You had every reason to believe him.”
I shoot her a knowing look. “Did I, though?”
“Okay, so maybe he doesn’t have the best track record.” She holds my gaze for a long moment. “Break down the feelings for me. Sad? Angry? Annoyed? What do you have going on?”
I take a deep breath and wrap my arms a little tighter around Juno, grateful that she’s too little to know the disappointment of her father not coming.
“Is it terrible that I mostly just feel relieved?” I look over at Megan. “I was trying to rally and be optimistic for Juno’s sake, but I don’t want her to have a father who makes empty promises. He’ll just keep breaking her heart, Megan. Even if he came this time. Would there be a next? Would he ever decide to prioritize her over his own selfish desires?”
“I don’t know,” she says, giving my shoulders another squeeze. “But it’s your job to protect her, and if you don’t think you can trust him, it’s okay to keep him at a distance until he’s earned the right to be present.”
“If he ever earns it,” I say. But after this, I’m not sure I want to give him the chance. I can’t live the rest of our lives with the possibility of his involvement looming over us. He either wants to be Juno’s father or he doesn’t. End of story.
Our conversation slows as the overhead lights in the arena dim, and turquoise strobe lights flash across the ice. The national anthem plays, the teams are introduced, and then it’s game on.
Only, Alecisn’ton the ice.
