Page 91 of When Alec Met Evie
“Just be straight with me, man.”
“You’ve been off,” he says. “But I’m not sure it’s just your knee.”
“What does that mean?”
He taps the side of his head. “It seems like it’s more up here.”
I think of Coach’s question. Do you really feel like you’ve been playing with your whole heart?
A sense of panic swirls in my gut, slowly clawing its way up my throat. It’s not like I’ve been unaware of the realities of my injury, my age, the looming possibility of retirement sometime in the future. But in a matter of minutes, I’ve been confronted with a very different reality than what I thought I was living.
How did I miss it?
How did I miss my teammates thinking I’ve been letting them down?
I think about the time I’ve spent texting Evie from the road. How quickly I hurry from the Summit after a game because I want to get over to see her.
I’ve been distracted. Ignoring the signs. And my team has suffered for it.
I’m the captain of this team.
And I’ve let everyone down.
I pull the heating pad off my knee and toss it onto the bench before heading over to where Eric is waiting to help me stretch.
“How’s it feeling?” the trainer asks as I lay down on the table.
“Pretty good,” I say, though the words feel a little more hollow than they should. “Better than a week ago.”
My phone buzzes with a text, and I pull it out, holding it over my head while Eric maneuvers my right knee up to my chest.
“Hey, I need you to focus, man,” Eric says.
“Yep, just one sec,” I say, quickly pulling up the message. It’s from Evie—a picture of her and Juno, both decked out in Appies gear. Evie is wearing her Appies jersey—myAppies jersey—and she’s smiling wide, her eyes the same bright blue as Juno’s.
I’m still studying the picture when a second one pops up, this one of my entire family. Mom, Dad, Megan, and Evie right in the middle, Juno in her arms.
A text comes in immediately after the second photo.
Evie
I hope you’re feeling great and that your knee is kind to you. Juno and I will be cheering for you.
At the end of her message, there’s a single red heart that makesmyheart push against my ribcage with new pressure. I want Evie to be proud of me as much as I want to be what my team needs. And I’ve been trying.
But what if I just can’t do it anymore?
I drop my phone onto my chest and focus on the stretches Eric is working me through, willing the ligaments in my knee to loosen.
Critics might say my game is off because I’m distracting myself with Evie, losing my focus.
Others might say I’m just getting old. Or they might look at the latest scans of my knee and say it’s a wonder I’m still playing at all.
But it doesn’t really matter what the reasons are.
What matters is that the time I’ve been dreading is finally here.
CHAPTER 25
