Page 73 of When Alec Met Evie
“Thanks,” I say. “You look good too.” Alec is wearing dark gray slacks and a navy button-down over a white henley, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. There’s a leather bracelet on his wrist just above his watch and a necklace peeking through the collar of his shirt, and I decide I really,reallylike Alec in jewelry.
Standing this close, it’s easy to catch the scent of him, warm and spicy and inviting, and I feel myself leaning closer, yielding to the gravitational pull I’m beginning to expect whenever we’re together.
I want to focus on the way it feels to have his gaze on me, to enjoy the tension simmering between us. But in the back of my mind, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I still need to tell Alec about Devon’s supposed visit.
We planned to talk tonight, but now that tonight is here, I’m not sure I want to bring it up. Hard to imagine anything feeling more like a first date wet blanket than a conversation about spending the upcoming holiday with an ex.
“Ready to go?” Alec asks, and I nod, hopeful that maybe he forgot about the Devon conversation we’re supposed to have. But luck is not on my side because seconds after we’re in my car, Juno secure in her car seat behind us, the Bluetooth connects to my phone and reads two incoming text messages from Devon.
Out loud.
Devon
Mom sent pictures of Juno. She looks just like you.
Will it just be us for Thanksgiving?
I quickly disconnect the phone in case Devon texts again, but the damage has already been done. When I glance over at Alec, he’s sitting stone still, his hands resting on his knees, his eyebrows lifted.
“That…isn’t what it sounds like,” I quickly say. “I mean, it is. But not really. Not like that.” I clear my throat, willing calm into my voice. “Devon wants to come meet Juno. I have to let him because even though the state of New York gave me full custody, taking her out of the state and away from her other parent was contingent upon my willingness to allow visitation should Devon want to make the trip.” I grip the steering wheel a little tighter, which is dumb because we aren’t even moving. We didn’t even make it out of Alec’s driveway before the texts came in.
“I did not expect Devon to come,” I continue. “Ever. He told me fatherhood was not on his priority list. So all of this is coming out of left field.” I reach over and slip my hand into Alec’s, giving his fingers a squeeze. “This is what I wanted to talk to you about this morning. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret.”
He nods with understanding before taking a slow breath, then finally asks, “How do you feel about it? About him coming?”
I bite my lip as I consider his question. “I mean, I feel like I’m supposed to want it, you know? If he’s willing to step up and be present in his daughter’s life, thatshouldbe a good thing. But I don’t trust him. I don’t trust that he won’t disappoint Juno exactly how he disappointed me. But that makes me feel guilty,because shouldn’t he get the chance to try?” I breathe out a sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel.”
For a long moment, Alec doesn’t say anything. So long that I pull my hand from his and shift into reverse so I can back out of the driveway. I drive in silence until I reach the end of the neighborhood, where I stop just past the security gatehouse because I’m not sure which direction to go to get to Felix’s.
“What are you thinking?” I ask, almost afraid to hear Alec’s answer.
He looks at me, dark eyes serious. “He just straight-up said that fatherhood wasn’t on his priority list?” he says. There’s an unspoken question behind his words, but I hear it without him having to ask it. Maybe because I’ve asked myself the same question a million times.
Why did I marry such a jerk in the first place? And how did I not see this coming?
“We’d talked about kids,” I say. It’s more answer than he’s asking for, but I feel the need to defend myself a little bit, so I keep going. “Only in the vague, somewhere down the road sense. We were both so focused on finishing college and starting our careers, kids were nowhere on the table. But we weren’t trying for Juno. She was completely accidental. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after Devon landed his first official role on Broadway.”
“Broadway, huh?”
“He’s the trifecta,” I say wryly. “Singing, acting, dancing. He’s actually pretty talented, as much as it pains me to admit it. My freshman year at Juilliard, I was in the pit at the fall variety show playing with the orchestra, and he was on stage singing ‘Dancing through Life’ fromWicked.He was handsome and charming and the most talented person on stage by a long shot, and I fell hard and fast.”
I shift the car into park, ready to just get all of this out in the open and be done with it. I spent a lot of months beating myself up for my marriage to Devon. We were young and impulsive, and I probably should have listened to Megan and everyone else close to me who told me I didn’t have to rush into things. But I’m working on having grace with my former self. Hindsight is always twenty/twenty, and I can’t truly regret a relationship that brought me Juno.
“Anyway, once I was pregnant, it was easier to see Devon for who he really is. I believe that he loved me, but not nearly as much as he loves himself. Which meant Juno and I were not worth giving up his dreams.”
Alec frowns. “It had to be one or the other?”
“For Devon? Yeah. He’s not built for concessions or compromise. Babies require you to put someone else’s needs above your own, and he wasn’t interested in doing that.”
Alec finally lifts his eyes to mine. “Except, maybe he is now?”
I lift my shoulders in a shrug. “Maybe? It all feels very confusing to me. None of this truly tracks with what I know of him. But either way, it doesn’t change what I said on Wednesday. Devon having a relationship with Juno doesn’t mean I will ever want Devon to have a relationship withme.Not anymore. And it’s very important to me that you know that.”
I watch as Alec slowly slides his hands over his thighs, his jaw muscles working like he’s really puzzling out what he wants to say. I hold my breath as I wait, because honestly, what else can I do? I can’t change the messiness of my situation. I come with baggage. And Alec deserves to know all that going in.
“I don’t like what he did to you,” Alec finally says without making eye contact. “I can’t really wrap my head around walking away like he did.” He lifts a hand and runs it through his hair. “You deserve so much better than that, Evie. You and Juno both. You deserve to have someone take care of you. AndJuno deserves a father who shows up. Which…” He lets out a humorless laugh. “I guess if that’s what Devon is doing, better late than never.”
It speaks to Alec’s integrity that he’s having such a hard time comprehending Devon’s actions, but he’s being so stoic, socontrolled,that it still makes me nervous, and I can’t keep myself from asking, “Okay, but…what about us?” The question feels way too pointed, but how else can I ask? “Does it impact you wanting to spend time with me?”
