Page 101 of When Alec Met Evie
The question sends a wave of uncomfortable guilt washing over me. I don’t know what Evie thinks because I haven’t talked to her about it.
We’ve talked about other things. A lot about Juno. About her work. But whenever she tries to steer the conversation to hockey, I find a way to talk about something else.
I know she’s frustrated with me. That she senses me shutting her down. Shutting herout.But I don’t know how to stop. Whenever I think about walking away, figuring out a life thatexists outside of the Appies organization, I’m filled with a cold sense of dread, a fear that I’ll never be able to do anything else. I’m not worried as much about the financial piece of it. I’ve planned well and have decent savings. I just don’t know what I’ll do with myself.
“I don’t know what Evie thinks,” I finally answer. “I haven’t talked to her about it.”
Theo stares at me over his cereal bowl. “Why not?”
Because she’ll tell me what I already know. She’ll tell me it’s okay to let myself walk away.
When I don’t immediately answer, Theo shakes his head in disbelief. “I mean, if you…” His words cut off, like he’s struggling to figure out what to say. Or maybehowto say it. “Can I just talk to you like you’re my age for a second? Like you’re not my team captain?”
I’m not, technically, his captain. Not anymore. The alternate captains have been rotating the position, but I appreciate Theo still offering me the respect.
“Go ahead,” I say. “Say whatever you want.”
He’s quiet for a long moment before he says, “It’s just a game.”
I lift my eyebrows.
“If you come back, it’ll be for, what, two, maybe three more seasons? Four, if you’re lucky? But all of us will be done by the time we’re forty,” he continues. “Probably sooner. And then what?” He holds up a finger and points at me. “But see, you already figured out what comes next for you. You already have something else to live for.” He shrugs. “Why not just go do that now?”
I already have something else to live for.
It’s a very simple distillation, but it rings true in a way that nothing else I’ve thought over the past two weeks has.
“When’s Juno’s birthday?” Theo asks.
“What? Uh, late May, I think. The 29th.”
“So right in the middle of playoffs. If you play four more seasons, she’ll be five by the time you retire. Wonder how many of her birthdays you’d miss for games.”
His words hit like a gut punch. Juno’s little now, but she won’t always be little. Eventually, she’ll be old enough to have expectations, hopes. To look out the window and wonder if her dad will be home in time for her party.
It’s exactly what Evie didn’t want for her daughter. A dad who isn’t around.
Theo stands and carries his empty bowl to the sink. He looks at me and grins. “That one got you, didn’t it?”
I scowl. “What is that therapist teaching you?”
“The true meaning of life, Captain. And I have you to thank for that.” He’s halfway across the living room on his way to the stairs when he turns and adds, “Spoiler alert. The answer isn’t hockey.”
I make the fifteen-minute drive to Evie’s house in just shy of eleven minutes only to arrive and realize it’s not even three p.m. and she doesn’t get off work until five.
I debate leaving and coming back, but then I look down and see Ruth’s house and come up with a new plan instead. I park and climb out of my truck, taking it easy as I walk down the sidewalk to Ruth’s. I can walk without crutches now, but my knee is still braced, so I have to keep all of my movements slow and intentional.
Before I knock on Ruth’s door, I send Evie a quick text, not wanting to overstep or make assumptions when it comes to Juno.
Alec
Hey. I’ve got a free afternoon. Can I go grab Juno early for you? I’ll just hang out with her at your house until you get home.
Evie
Of course! That actually works great—I was supposed to get her at four anyway because Ruth has an appointment, but I’m behind here, so leaving early was going to be tough.
Alec
