Page 104 of Romancing the Grump
He only shakes his head. “I’ll just end up hurting you, Summer.”
I shrug. “Maybe. But I already love you. Feels kinda stupid not to even try.”
This, at least, makes Nathan’s lips turn up in the barest hint of a smile, and he huffs out a little laugh. “It’s not that easy.”
“You’re leaving for Boston tomorrow, right?” I ask, ignoring his last comment. “For Blake’s plea hearing?”
He studies me before finally saying, “Yeah.”
“What if you take the time you’re away to think about things? Don’t feel like you have to call or text. Just…take a break. See how you feel.”
I don’t want a break. I hate the idea of not talking to him, not texting him whenever I feel like it. But I hate the idea of losing him more, and I’ve thrown a lot of emotion at him in the last ten minutes. I mean,yes.A part of me absolutely wants to run and cry, wallow in the fact that I just saidI love youand Nathan didnotsay it back.
But a bigger part believes he just needs a little more time to get used to the idea. He’s scared. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me. Even if my heart is completely inside out, giving him space feels like the right call.
“I’m heading to Silver Creek for a few days,” I say. “There’s a family thing on Sunday night that I don’t want to miss. Maybe we can plan to talk next week?”
Nathan nods and then surprises me when he moves in close, taking my face in his hands and pressing a firm kiss to my lips. I hold onto him, pouring everything I have into the kiss, but there’s still an edge to how I’m feeling, a desperationlaced around the margins that makes my muscles tighten and lodges panic in my throat.
I can’t shake the feeling that this kiss is Nathan saying goodbye.
But I have to let him go.
He knows how I feel.
All I can do is wait and hope he feels the same way.
CHAPTER 25
NATHAN
I waitin the wide hallway with Mom and Blake, the three of us lined up on an uncomfortable wooden bench across from the heavy courtroom doors. We still have fifteen minutes before Blake’s hearing is supposed to begin, but I’m already anxious, my foot bouncing nervously against the tile floor.
Honestly, my anxiety probably has as much to do with Summer as it does with Blake’s hearing. It doesn’t feel right to be here without her—to beanywherewithout her. And yet, the thought of accepting her as a permanent part of my life still scares the hell out of me.
Yesterday, on the way to the airport, when I was feeling particularly frustrated, maybe even a little desperate, I called Felix. He’s always talking about his therapist like the guy is one of his best friends, so I figured he might have some words of wisdom for me.
He did, and they were blunt and incisive.
It isn’t about hockey, man, and you don’t need to overthink it. Just be better than your father was. Do better.
There was more. Stuff about believing I deserve happiness and not getting in my own way. I understand the concept in theory, but so far, that understanding hasn’t done anything to loosen the knot that’s been in my chest since Summer pulled out of the parking lot at Mulligan’s.
“Dude, what’s wrong with you?” Blake asks from beside me. He’s bigger than he was the last time I saw him, his shoulders a little broader, his voice a little deeper. “I’m the one on trial here,” he says. “Why are you the one freaking out?”
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just anxious for all this to be over.”
He scoffs. “Tell me about it.”
Franklin’s last text said he was almost here, and he would update us on exactly what to expect once he arrives. That was ten minutes ago, so we’re expecting him any moment.
I still haven’t met Franklin in person, but we’ve texted a few times, and he’s assured me we don’t have anything to worry about today.
He’s been a lifesaver in every sense of the word—just one more thing I owe to Summer.
I lean forward, elbows on my knees, and rest my forehead in my hands. I think of Summer’s face the last time I saw her, the earnestness of her expression when she told me how she feels.
No one but my immediate family has ever saidI love you,not unless I count my teammates who usually only say it when they’re slamming me into the boards.
