Page 247 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“So do you really like this woman?” Brody asks. “Is she planning on staying in Silver Creek long term?”
The question of how long Tatum will stick around has occurred to me, but I’ve tried not to focus on it too much. I don’t want to get ahead of myself or make Tatum feel any pressure when we don’t even know what this is between us. My brothers—they’re the kind of guys who are thinking long term seconds after they learn a woman’s name. But that isn’t me.
“I like her,” I finally say. “But I’m not trying to rush into anything. Our relationship has changed a lot in the past few weeks. I just want to see what happens. Get off my back and let me have dinner with the woman.”
“You know what they say about the line between love and hate,” Brody says.
“True,” Perry adds. “Imagine channeling all the passion you guys put into arguing into something else.”
Annnndthat’s my cue to leave.
“Okay, time to go,” I say as I stand. If I don’t bail now, the jokes and jabs will only get worse from here.
“Oh, Lennox, you’re the macaroni to my cheese.” I hear my brother Flint’s voice behind me, which doesn’t make any sense because Flint is in L.A. The voice is pitched high in an exaggerated falsetto, but it’sdefinitelyhim. I spin around to see Brody holding up his phone, Flint’s face filling the screen in a video call.
I shake my head even as I start to laugh. Flint just illustrated exactly why I want to bail, but it’s Flint, so I can’t really bring myself to care. “How long have you been listening?”
“Long enough,” Flint says, his grin wide, though he’s looking a little bit rumpled. I lean forward and look closer. “Dude, were you asleep?”
He yawns. “Maybe. But you know how much I hate it when you guys are together without me.”
“You could always move home,” Perry says.
“Actually, I’ve been thinking about doing just that. But right now I want to hear Brody’s best food-themed pick-up line for Lennox to use on Tatum.”
Brody immediately brightens, and Perry groans. “Not this again.”
“Ohh, I’ve got it!” Brody says with the boyish enthusiasm only he can pull off. “Are you full of jalapenos?” He pauses and bites his lip like he can’t contain his own laughter. “Because you’re making my heart burn.”
I make eye contact with Perry. “Has he been talking to Lila?”
“They never stop,” Perry says. “He texts her with new puns at least twice a week.”
“But these aren’t just puns,” Brody says. “They’re pickup . . .limes.”
Flint’s groan dissolves into laughter, but Perry only scowls. Must only be Lila’s puns he’s willing to smile for.
“But for real, man,” Flint says. “Keep us posted on how dinner goes. I won’t even care if you leave me behind as the only lonely sibling.”
“You should make that the name of your next movie,” Perry says.
I laugh at Perry’s joke but make a mental note to text Flint later. That’s the second thing he’s said in this conversation that has given me pause. He’s thinking of moving homeandhe’s lonely? That’s worth a follow-up conversation.
“I’ll keep everyone posted,” I say, “but none of you say anything to Mom, all right?” I hold up a warning finger. “Or Dad. They’ll start in on their whole-life happiness stuff, and I don’t need them getting any ideas in their head.”
Whole-life happiness is a Hawthorne family term, coined by my parents and used to measure how they think their children arereallydoing. It never has anything to do with how muchmoney we’re making or whether we’re successful in the world’s eyes. It’s all about the stuff thattrulymatters.
In other words, until I settle down, find a wife, and have a couple of kids, or, at the very least, get a dog, my parents will never believe I’mwhole-life happy.
Kate appears in the garage doorway. “I hate to break it to you, but your mom is already talking about your whole-life happiness.Regularly.And fair warning—shereallylikes Tatum.”
I sigh. Why did I move home again?
Kate turns her attention to Perry. “Hey, the snow is really coming down now. Lila just texted and said it’s time for me to kick you out.”
“On my way,” Perry says. He claps me on the back as he slides past. “You’re not going to open tonight, are you?”
I shake my head. “I don’t want employees to risk coming in.”
