Page 66 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“That’s it outside the US. But I’ve been all over the states.”
“To kayak?”
I nod. “Oh, and Costa Rica, too. Last spring break.”
“But you...” Her words trail off, and she shakes her head.
“But I what?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m just glad you’ve gotten to travel some.”
I shoot her a knowing look. “It’s pretty tough seeing as how I have to use horse and wagon to go places, living in this here small town. We don’t have things like cars. Or airports.”
She rolls her eyes. “Shut up. That’s not what I meant.”
“Yes it is,” I say. “You look at me and think small town, small life.”
“I do not.”
I raise my eyebrows.
“At least, I don’tnow,” she says.“There’s nothing about your life that’s small.”
We turn and move up the trail, both of us grabbing hold of the rope that will make it easier to haul ourselves up the mountain. Kate is walking in front of me, so I can’t see her face when I ask, “But it’s still too small for you?”
We climb in silence for a few minutes, and I wonder if Kate will simply let the question go. But as soon as we reach a level spot, she turns to me. “I never imagined a life for myself in Silver Creek, Brody. You know it’s never been a part of the plan.”
“Why?” It’s the first time I’ve ever challenged her on it. “Because you don’t want to be near your mom? That doesn’t work anymore, Kate. She left.”
She shakes her head, emotion filling her eyes. “Because I don’t want tobemy mom. She wasn’t willing to leave, and it ended her marriage.” She turns and pushes her way up the trail, the muscles in her arms and shoulders flexing as she grips the rope and tugs herself up. I am momentarily distracted by the grace and athleticism that infuse her movements. She makes everything look natural, even hoisting herself up the side of a mountain.
I climb after her, quickly catching up. “Kate, you aren’t your mother. You’re never going to be your mother.”
She whirls around. “It’s more complicated than that. It will always be more complicated for me, because I’m the one with the screwed up family. I recognize it isn’t healthy that my feelings about Silver Creek and my feelings about my mom are so tangled. I do. Just...” She breathes out a weary sigh. “Just know I’m trying, okay? I’m trying to make sense of things, but most of the time, I can’t tell the difference between what I want, and what IthinkI should want, and what I think I can’t want because it’s what my mother wants.”
I almost ask her what category I’m in, but I’m afraid her answer will be none of them. And after that kiss, I don’t know that I could handle the blatant rejection.
We hike the rest of the trail in silence. Her brain is probably whirring just as fast as mine is, but what is there to say? Even with all the chemistry sparking between us the past few weeks, I’ve been afraid to truly let myself hope, convinced she’d never feel the same way.
Now, it’s possible she does feel the same way—she at least owned that she wanted to kiss me—and I still can’t do anything about it. I’m not sure if this is better or worse.
When we get back to the truck, I unlock her door first and open it for her.
She hesitates, one foot propped on the running board, and looks back. “I don’t have to go with you to Robbinsville on Saturday.”
Fear tightens my gut. I don’t want our relationship to end over this. “Do you stillwantto go?”
“I’d like to. But I don’t want to make it hard for you.”
It’s too late for that, but right now, the only thing that feels harder than spending time withKate is spending time without her. “Kate, we’re still friends. This doesn’t have to change that.”
“So I can come on Saturday as your friend?”
“I invited you to come as my friend.” We’ve used that word so much lately, I’d like to retire it altogether.Pleaseno more friend talk. I smile, sensing that levity might be the only thing that pulls us out of whatever tailspin her kiss started. “You’re the one who kissed me and made things weird.”
She scoffs as she climbs all the way into the truck. “So that’s how you’re going to play it?”
I smirk and move around the truck bed to climb in. Once I crank the engine, I look at Kate and slip on my sunglasses. “I hope that kiss was worth it because I plan to get mileage out of this thing fordays.”
