Page 30 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
It’s just like it always was. Brody’s family knows how to have fun, to tease and pick on each other, but their dedication and love are evident even in the teasing. They’re like a grove of trees. On the surface, it looks like they’re all their own tree, but underneath the ground, their roots are entwined and connected, lending strength and support to whoever needs it most.
I used to think it would be impossible to have a family like that.
Maybe I still do.
“How did you know Tyler was the one?” I ask Olivia, suddenly curious. “I’m only asking because...I don’t know. How is it anything but good luck? The couple in Italy who stayed married for sixty years, or your marriage,” I say to Hannah. “How do you know when a relationship starts that it will endure like that instead of crashing and burning like my parents did?”
Olivia winces and I slap a hand to my mouth. “Sorry. I didn’t mean—I’m sure your marriage with Tyler is great. I didn’t mean to sound so doom and gloom.”
“I get what you’re saying.” Olivia glances at her mom. “It was almost immediate for me. I mean, I didn’t admit it for a long time. But I felt it right from the start. That bone-sizzling connection.”
“Shoot, it wasn’t like that for me,” Kristyn says. “I wanted to strangle Jake for the first three months of knowing him. He drove me crazy.”
Hannah chuckles. “I was somewhere in the middle. I’d known Ray all my life. I didn’t love him all my life, but then one day I just looked at him and thought, ‘well okay then. Here we are.'” She holds my gaze a long moment. “There are never any guarantees, Kate. Not in life, certainly not in love. But that doesn’t mean you can’t believe a love like that is possible, evenhope for it. I’m willing to bet the people who do find it are the ones who always believed they would.”
Lennox shows up with the food, interrupting our conversation, and I breathe out a silent sigh. Sitting with a group of women who are all happily in love is exhausting.
“Turkey paninis, homemade potato chips,” Lennox says, setting our plates down in front of us. He puts his hands on his mother’s shoulders and leans down to kiss her cheek. “Now if you’re done enlisting me as your private chef, I’m going to get back to work.”
“I’m sorry, what was that? Something about the rent you aren’t paying me and how kind I am to let you live here for free?”
He throws a grin over his shoulder as he heads back to the kitchen. “Love you, Mom.”
“What about you?” Olivia says before I’ve even taken the first bite of my sandwich. She eyes me with blatant curiosity. “Do you think you’ll ever settle down? Give up the traveling life and find your own happily-ever-after?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure it would have to be one or the other.” Except, it would, wouldn’t it? I’m never in the same place very long. I use my dad’s place in Paris as a home base, but even my stays there only last six, maybe eight weeks before I’m up and traveling again.
“You were just saying the other day you’d never be able to have a family with the kind of traveling you do,” Kristyn says. “You really think you’ll be a nomad all your life? Never fall in love? Never have kids?”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I say. “A lot of people never have children, and they still have happy lives.”
“Sure they do,” Kristyn says. “But is that whatyouwant?”
I squirm in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable. There’s no denying that over the past couple of months, I’ve started to feel...impatient with my way of life. I’ve generally enjoyedsettling into new locations and immersing myself in different cultures. I like to write while I’m still on-location rather than taking lots of notes, then returning home to hammer out a piece. It’s an indulgence though. Most of the time, I don’tneedto stick around. I only do because it’s fun. But lately, the “sticking around” hasn’t been near as enjoyable. It’s like I have this insatiable need for somethingmore. The next thing. The next job. The next location. But then the next thing doesn’t actually satisfy me.
Everyone’s eyes are still on me, their expressions expectant. I finally shrug. “I don’t know, really. I’ve been feeling like it might be time to make a change, but I’ve been doing this for so long, I don’t even know what that would look like.”
“Or who it might look like,” Kristyn says pointedly.
I shoot her a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She grins. “It means I think you’re lonely. What you’re feeling is loneliness, and that has you all out of sorts because unless you’re going to find a Kate groupie with no life who can just follow you everywhere work takes you, falling in love will mean making some sort of change.”
“I’m not lonely,” I say, a little too defensively.
Kristyn only raises her eyebrows.
“I’m alittlelonely.”
She crosses her arms.
“Fine! I’m lonely. I would love to fall in love. And yes, I’d love to have kids someday. Is that what you want me to admit?”
She smirks her satisfaction. “Only if it’s true.”
“You’re young yet, child,” Hannah says. “You’ve got time to decide. And in my experience, these things tend to have a way of working themselves out.”
I want to believe her. Idobelieve her. But that doesn’t mean I’m not terrified.
