Page 287 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“I know. But tell me again.”
Emotions surge, words tumbling out before I can stop them. “Okay. I want you. I want us. I want you to beat my brother every time we play board games, and I want to feed you your favorite meals, and I want to take your dog for walks around the farm. I want to kiss you before I fall asleep every night and wake upwith you in my arms. I want to know everything there is to know about you—learn the person you are so well that I can anticipate how you feel and what makes you happy and what makes you sad.” I sigh and shake my head. “But I’m not supposed to tell you any of that, because I also respect you. I want you to be happy. I want you to have a career you love, and I want you to have relationships with the people who are important to you. And I can’t decide what those relationships look like. Even if I want to.”
She sniffs. “You know, you could have just been a jerk about it. Said something selfish and made my decision easier.” I don’t tell her that under the surface, I’m feeling pretty jerky—like a raging caveman ready to keep her here by force.
I let out a weary chuckle. “Sorry to disappoint you.”
She leans up and looks at me. “I’m not even a little bit disappointed.”
We settle into silence then, watching the birds swoop and glide over the trees and the clouds moving across the vibrant blue sky. The view is beautiful, but part of the beauty is having Tatum beside me. What will this place be like if she leaves? I have memories of Tatum all over the farm. Thinking of Stonebrook without her feels like turning down the lights, leeching the color out of the sky and the trees and the mountains in the distance. This place will never be the same.
Iwill never be the same.
“Lennox, where does this leave us?” Tatum eventually asks.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I know I want to be with you.”
I hold her a little tighter. “Then be with me. Whatever time we have, let’s take it. Whatever happens next, we’ll figure it out.”
She sniffs. “You promise?”
I feel the stupidity in the risk I’m taking, but I can’t help it.
I’m so far gone for this woman, there’s only one way to answer her question. “I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tatum
It’s late when Ifind Lennox in his office—late enough that we’re pretty much the only two people still around. I’ve had enough time since I ended my shift to go upstairs and shower and change into leggings and an oversized hoodie, but Lennox is still dressed for work.
“Hey,” I say, leaning against the door jamb. “What are you up to?”
He looks up, the smile that spreads across his face warming me from the inside out. “Just finishing the books,” he says.
“How are things?”
“Good. Great, actually. The warmer weather must be helping. Revenue is up.”
“That’s amazing.”
“Andmy kitchen is running better than ever.” He stands and moves around the desk, approaching me with easy confidence. He slips an arm around my waist and leans down to kiss me. “All thanks to you.” He nuzzles my neck. “You smell good.”
“Mmm. You smell like kitchen grease and onions.”
He chuckles as he steps away and starts to unbutton his chef’s coat. “Okay. Point taken.” He sheds it and drops it into the laundry bin in the corner. “What are you up to? I thought you’d be asleep by now.” He peels his t-shirt off next, and it follows the chef’s coat into the bin before he rummages through a bag sitting by the door, presumably looking for a clean shirt.
My eyes rove over the smooth planes of muscle, the dips and hollows that make up Lennox’s body, and my throat goes dry. Whenever I look at him, I feel like I have to memorize him, catalog every inch in case I wind up saying goodbye.
Lennox and I haven’t talked about the network’s offer since I first brought it up. It’s been just shy of two weeks, and I can tell he’s avoiding the subject on purpose. I appreciate that he’s giving me space, that he isn’t trying to pressure me. But a part of me wishes hewouldpressure me—call my father a jerk and beg me to stay with him instead.
Still, I have to respect Lennox for recognizing that this needs to be my choice. He’s a good man—possibly thebestman I’ve ever known. And that’s tricky. Because I aspire to be as selfless and loving as the Hawthornes. And I’m afraid that means stepping up to be there for my dad.
Of course, I also wouldn’t mind if Dad happened to call with a good-natured, “Just kidding!” and made this whole nightmare go away. At the very least, that would buy me some time to figure out what I want to do next.
“I was hoping you could help me with something,” I say to Lennox.
