Page 286 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
A sick feeling spreads through my gut, and I start to understand Tatum’s tears. Being on a show with her dad means not beinghere.It means losing her.
“But he’s Christopher Elliott,” I say, not wanting to understand what she’s telling me.
She shrugs. “Who they think is getting old, apparently.”
“But youaren’told,” I say. “They want you to keep the brand alive.”
She nods, her eyes sad. “Something like that.”
There is a huge part of me that wants to make this conversation about me. About us. But I know enough about Tatum’s history with her father to guess the kind of pressure he’s putting on her. I also know she feels an incredible amount of loyalty to him which has to make this decision fraught, regardless of what it means for our relationship. I can’t make this more complicated for her. And I definitely don’t want to say or do anything to drive a wedge between her and her dad.
“Do you want to do it?” I ask, my tone gentle.Neutral.
She looks up and meets my eyes, her expression pained. “No. I mean, I don’t think so. But Lennox, he’s my family. Your family is always showing up for each other, supporting each other. Isn’t this the same kind of thing?”
I’m not sure how to answer her. My familydoesshow up for each other. But we also respect each other. Olivia never would have pressured me into opening Hawthorne if it wasn’t what I wanted, and I never would have expected my family to back my restaurant if they didn’t think it was a good idea.
We sacrifice for each other, sure. But we don’t sacrifice who we are.
But Tatum hasn’t had those kinds of healthy familial relationships in her life. All she knows is the selfish toxicity her father has conditioned her with.
“Tatum, he shouldn’t even ask this of you if it isn’t something you want. He shouldn’t prioritize his own needs over your happiness.”
“Logically, I know that. But he’s given me so much. Paid for my education. Given me a career. Don’t I owe him this?” She shakes her head, another round of tears welling up. “But I want this, Lennox. I want you. I don’t want to leave and lose what we have.”
“Hey. You’re not going to lose me.”
“That’s just it. I’ve been thinking about catering—about being a chef. Lennox, I’m not even sure I want to cook anymore. I love Stonebrook, and I love Silver Creek, but what would I even do if I didn’t run the catering kitchen? There’s nothing else out here for me, and I hate that because I would love to stay.” She presses a hand to her forehead, then shakes her head as she takes a stuttering breath. “I didn’t want to have to worry about any of this when we’re still trying to figure out what we mean to each other, and I didn’t want Olivia to worry because I’m fine running the kitchen for now. But with Dad’s job on the line, I feel like I have to think about it. And honestly, it feels kind of foolish to turn down such a lucrative job offer when there’s nothing else on the table.”
Her chest heaves as she breathes out a sigh, her shoulders falling like she’s collapsing in on herself. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
She’s supposed to do what she wants and not let her idiot father govern her life like some kind of overlord.
But it’s not my place to tell her that.
If I pressure her into making the decision I want, then I’m no better than he is.
I’m almost sick with anger that her father would even put her in this position. How can he not see how selfish he’s being? How careless it is to put this burden of responsibility on her shoulders?
Has he never asked Tatum what she wants?
Quick on the heels of wanting to pulverize her father is a desperation to grab Tatum and beg her to stay. To justbewith me. Love me like I’m suddenly realizing I love her.
But deep in my gut, I know loving her means letting her make the choice herself.
I reach out and wipe the tears from Tatum’s cheeks, then tug her forward, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. She’s salty with tears, her lips trembling, which only makes me want to kiss her again and again until the tears are gone, along with everything else in the world that might ever hurt her.
I wrap her in my arms, one curving around her back. My butt is numb for how long we’ve been sitting on this rock, but I don’t even care.
“What do I do?” Tatum whispers, her voice as soft as the breeze blowing across the mountain.
“I can’t tell you what to do, Tatum.”
Iwon’ttell her, even if something in me is screaming to do just that—to tell her to stay with me. Here. Forever.Mine.
“No, but you can tell me what you want. Your opinion matters to me, Lennox.”
I’m quiet for a long moment, torn over how to answer her question. “I already told you what I want.”
