Page 261 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“Why he turned into a total womanizer?” I say for her, filling in the gap.
She winces, but she doesn’t contradict me. “I swear, he hasn’t been like that since he moved home—I don’t think it’s who he really is.”
“He’s never been serious with anyone else?”
“Not that any of us have known about.” She bites her lip. “Does that scare you?”
I lean back into the sofa cushions and consider her question. It maybe should scare me, but somehow, it doesn’t. I don’t know what’s happening with Lennox, but it doesn’t feel likeI’m getting played. Maybe because we haven’t actually started dating yet. At least not officially. And most of our conversations have involved teasing and good-natured arguing, which makes it seem like whatever is happening is happeningdespiteour efforts to irritate each other.
“Honestly, I don’t think it does. I mean, there are all kinds of other things that scare me, but not that.”
“Because it feels real?”
I shrug. “I don’t want to get ahead of myself. We haven’t spent a ton of time together outside of work. The dinner really could just bedinner.”
Kate gives me a knowing smile. “It doesn’t feel like it though, does it?”
I bite my lip. “Itmaybefeels like . . . something.”
“I like the sound ofsomething.” Kate winks as she stands. “I’m going to check on the guys. Do you need anything?”
“Nah, I’m good,” I say as I reach for my phone, but then I glance at the screen and immediately regret the action.
I have a text from my dad, and right now my world is too perfect and comfortable to ruin it with a message from him. I hate that I feel this way. But with how his messages have sounded lately, it’s getting harder and harder to convince myself he has my best interests at heart. Still, if I don’t respond now, he’ll keep texting, spamming me with a string of messages, each one more antagonistic than the last.
Dad:I hear there’s weather where you are. Skies are blue and temps are warm here. I can have a car meet you at the airport whenever you come to your senses.
Another message pops up while I’m reading the first, this one with a winking emoji as if the whole suggestion is just a silly joke.
Dad is definitely not joking.
Tatum:I’m enjoying the weather so much. The snow is beautiful!
I put my phone back on the table, face down, determined not to touch it for the rest of the day. A part of me wishes I didn’t even have a portable charger. Then I’d at least have an excuse.
Sorry! Phone died. No power. I’ll be off the grid for the next. . .three weeks.Do snowstorms last that long in North Carolina? Can I order one that will?
I drop my head back and breathe out an audible sigh that brings Toby right to my side. He lifts his paws and drops them onto my lap, burrowing his head into my shoulder.
My friend once told me her golden doodle gave good hugs, and I thought she was just being silly. Dogs don’t have arms. They can’t give actual hugs. But I ended up eating those words as soon as I had my own doodle because Toby totally gives hugs—especially when he knows I need one.
I scratch his ears and look into his deep brown eyes. “That’s a good boy, Tobe. We’re going to be okay, yeah? We’re going to make it?”
The back door opens, and Kate’s laughter rings through the air, then it sounds like they all move back into the kitchen.
Moments later, Lennox leans around the corner. “Food’s just about ready if you want to join us.”
I nod and smile. “I’ll be right there.”
A golden doodle hug can go a long way. But it doesn’t quite fill the loneliness I’m feeling right now.
What I’m craving ishumanconnection, and not the kind I have with my father, full of judgments and expectations and passive-aggressive criticism.
No, hanging out with the Hawthornes has shown me that I want more.
Acceptance. Love. Support. Kindness for the sake of kindness, even when nothing is received in return.
It all feels incredibly foreign when I compare it to what I’m used to with Dad. I’m sure he loves me in his own way. But our relationship has only ever felt contractual.
