Page 196 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“Wasn’t it you this morning who told me our flaws make us real? I don’t want perfect, Perry. I just want you.”
I lean up and press my lips to his, and he cradles my face in his hands, kissing me with a fervency that only makes the tears fall faster.
It could be a kiss that says I love you.
It could also be a kiss that says goodbye.
I break away and back up until I’m pressed against his front door. He’s said too many hard things tonight for me not to be crystal clear.
“I know it’s a lot,” I say. “Asking you to be a part of Jack’s life is a big deal. I won’t try to convince you, no matter how much I want to, because it has to be your choice. But I do want you to make that choice with all of the facts.” I wipe my tears away with the heel of my hand. “Perry, I love you. And I promise you, if given the chance, I will spend the rest of my life loving you like you deserve.” Even just saying the words out loud—owning them—makes me feel steadier on my feet.
“Jack has a soccer game on Saturday morning,” I continue. “Ten a.m., at Fletcher Park. His team wears light blue. I can’t compromise when it comes to Jack, so if you’re in, you have to be all in. Take a couple of days to think about it. If you come to the game, I’ll know you want to try.” I take a steadying breath. “If you don’t? Then I’ll understand where you are and what you want. And I won’t be at work on Monday morning.”
His eyes lift to mine like this last part surprises him.
I shrug. “I can’t be in love with you and still work for you. Not if you can’t love me back. Loveusback.” I lean up and kiss him on the cheek. “Goodbye, Perry.”
As I walk out to my car, fresh tears streaming down my face, I can only hope it isn’t goodbye forever.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Perry
“Let me get thisstraight,” Brody says, leaning forward. “She told you she wanted to spend the rest of her life loving you like you deserve, and you let her walk away?”
I drop my empty glass onto the bar in Lennox’s restaurant. “It’s not that easy.” It’s late enough that Hawthorne is mostly empty. Brody and I are the only two people at the bar. Another half hour or so, and Lennox should be able to join us. Which means I’ll get to hear it from TWO brothers instead of one.
Tyler drops onto the barstool on the other side of Brody. “Sorry I’m late. Did I miss it? Did you convince him?”
Oh great. Make that two brothersanda brother-in-law.
“Seriously? You’re ganging up on me now?” I say, eyeing Brody.
He shrugs. “Tyler’s the only one of us with a kid. His opinion holds more weight.”
“His kid is only five minutes old,” I argue. “It’s not the same thing.”
“He’s almost three months old, actually, but—” I shoot Tyler a look that immediately silences him. “You know what, I can just sit here and listen. Without talking.”
“I still say you’re overcomplicating things,” Brody says. “She told you she loves you. Just say you love her too, kiss her like you mean it, then ride off into the sunset.”
I roll my eyes. “And I say you’re oversimplifying things. Don’t forget. Before we can ride off into the sunset, we have to stop and pick her kid up from the babysitter.”
Brody doesn’t respond, which is almost worse. I’d rather he scold me. Insult me.Something.Anything would feel better than my own incriminating thoughts and a silence heavy with his judgment.
“That kind of attitude doesn’t look good on you, man,” he finally says. “I don’t understand. You’ve always wanted kids. Are you really willing to let a woman like Lila get away because she already has one? Are you weirded out that he isn’t yours? Is that what this is?”
“That’s not it,” I say quickly. “I don’t care about that.”
“Then what is it?”
I twist my empty glass in a slow circle as I think about how best to explain. I’ve been thinking since Lila left my house last night. Thinking so hard that I stayed home from work—something I haven’t done in years—and didn’t leave my house until Brody showed up and strong-armed me into coming down to Hawthorne. All that thinking, and I still don’t feel any closer to an answer.
“Lila makes me feel like living,” I finally say. “I don’t even know if that makes sense. But when I look at her, everything is brighter somehow. It just feels right. I’ve never felt that rightness. Like my body, all the way down to the cellular level, knows we’re supposed to be together.” I look up. “Is that how you always felt with Kate?”
Brody smiles and drops a hand on my shoulder. “From the very beginning.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know how you did this for so many years.” Brody was in love with his now-wife for a very long time before she moved him out of the friend zone. I’m not sure most men would have been so persistent.
