Page 172 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“No one should be scolded,” Lila says, too seriously for the conversation. “The goat barn is averygood place for kissing.”
Olivia laughs. “Oh, I like you. Sorry I haven’t been around to meet you before now. I’ve heard so many great things about you.” Olivia has been holed up at home while Asher fought off a case of RSV. It’s good to finally see them out and around again, even if she is going to make fun of me.
“You too,” Lila says. “Perry’s told me a lot about you.”
I reach out and let Asher grasp my thumb, his tiny fingers curling around it. He has his dad’s dark hair and wide brown eyes. But he somehow looks like Liv too. He’s also so much bigger than he was the last time I saw him.
Olivia starts to unstrap the baby carrier. “You want to hold him?”
I do kinda want to hold him, but that doesn’t stop nerves from jumping deep in my gut. I’ve had exactly two experiences holding babies. And both times it wasthisbaby. Once in the hospital, and once right after Olivia brought him home. I’ve seen him a lot more than that, but he sleeps a lot, and he eats a lot, and well, there are a lot of people in my family who love babies and are always willing to hold him.
I’ve never felt compelled to fight for my chance, though, when Olivia lifts Asher into my arms, I wonder if I should start fighting more. This is amazing. Asher wiggles the tiniest bit, his foot randomly shooting out, then he yawns, and my heart squeezes.
My eyes lift to Lila’s. She’s watching me closely, an expression on her face I can’t quite read. She’s done this whole parenting thing before. She knows what this is like. And maybe that’s what her expression is saying. She gets it. She knows how magical this can be.
Asher grunts a few more times and starts to squirm like he’s unhappy, letting out a few shrieks that feel a little too much like they could lead to crying. “Okay. Uncle time is over,” I say.
Olivia drops onto the couch at the back of my office and closes her eyes. “Just bounce him a little. I only need a minute.”
“Bounce him?” I immediately think of bouncing a basketball, but that for sure isn’t right.
Asher squirms again, his cries growing more persistent, so I start bouncing. Except, I’m more . . . squatting?
The baby immediately quiets though, so I keep it up. It’s working! I calmed him!
I’ve got at least three more sets of these before my quads give out. That’s . . . five minutes of peace? I can give Olivia five minutes.
Olivia chuckles from behind me. “Perry, he’s not a free weight. You don’t have to do a full-on squat.”
“Don’t question what’s working,” I say.
Except seconds later, itisn’tworking anymore. Asher is crying even louder than before, and my quads are starting to shake. Now I look like a bad uncle anda guy who clearly needs to hit the gym more frequently.
Lila comes to my rescue, scooping Asher into her arms. “It’s more like dancing,” she says, holding Asher upright so his head is resting on her shoulder. She starts lightly bouncing on her toes, swaying back and forth.
Asher quiets, and Lila smiles, her eyes closing as she presses her face close to his tiny head.
I drop onto the couch next to Olivia, a little disappointed to beso badat baby holding, but also content to watch Lila, who looks as natural with Asher in her arms as she did singing on stage at my reunion. I don’t know if there is anything the woman can’t do.
She starts to sing some sort of lullaby, and Olivia reaches out and squeezes my arm. “Um, are you in love with her yet?” she says under her breath. “Because I’ve only known her five minutes, and I thinkI’min love with her.”
When Asher’s squirming kicks up again, Lila shifts his position and heads toward the office door. “We’re going to walk the hallway for a bit. See if that helps him settle.”
Olivia lifts a hand, giving Lila a thumbs up.
“She’s pretty great, right?” I say.
Olivia nods. “I’m really happy for you, Perry.”
My eyes flick away for the briefest moment, but Olivia is too sharp to miss anything, and she immediately zeroes in on my reaction. “Wait. What was that? You did an eye thing. Areyounot happy for you?”
I glance toward the door, not wanting Lila to hear our conversation, but there’s no sign of her. “It’s not that. I’m happy. I really like her. But she’s still keeping me at arm’s length. Whichis fine. She said she wanted to take it slow. But I’m seeing her every day, and I’m just . . . I don’t know.”
“Your feelings aren’t taking it slow?”
“She’s so different from Jocelyn, Liv. She fits. Not some fancy version of a life defined by jobs or cars or whatever. She fitsme.I’ve never had that before.”
Olivia nudges my knee. “You should tell her how you feel, Perry.”
