Page 169 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“Did you get enough to eat?” I ask when she slides her plate away.
“Probably more than I needed. I don’t usually eat a big breakfast.”
“Me neither. That French toast was worth it though.”
Over Lila’s shoulder, I see Jocelyn finally enter the room next to Grace. She looks about as well as expected after the night she had; she’s dressed casually, her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail.
I reach out and take Lila’s hand. “Hey, will you be okay by yourself for a few minutes? I’m going to go talk to Jocelyn.”
Lila squeezes my fingers, warmth in her eyes, and gives me an encouraging nod. “Of course. Take your time.”
It occurs to me that Lila trusts me in a way I’m not sure Jocelyn ever did, even after years of marriage. Jocelyn wouldn’t have stopped me from going to talk to an ex, but she for sure would have given me some side-eye and probably launched an inquisition after I returned, wanting a minute-by-minute recap of the encounter.
It’s just another example of how different Lila is.
And a reminder of how unhealthy my marriage was.
“You okay?” Lila asks, probably because I’m still sitting here staring at her.
I stand up and move around the table, leaning over to press my lips to hers. “I’m good,” I say. “I just really like you.”
She reaches up and grabs my shirt, tugging me down for another kiss. “Well, that’s good,” she says. “Because I really like you, too.”
When I stand and turn, Jocelyn is watching us.
I leave Lila and slowly make my way toward Jocelyn. I stop a few feet away from where she’s leaning against the wall. “Good morning, Jocelyn.”
“Is it?” Jocelyn says breezily. “I hadn’t noticed.”
I push my hands into my pockets. “You owe Lila an apology,” I say. It’s not like I came over here for small talk. Might as well get right to it.
Jocelyn’s jaw tightens, but I can tell by the way she won’t look me in the eye that she knows I’m right. “I don’t remember much about last night,” she says dismissively.
“Trust me. I remember everything about last night, and you owe her an apology.”
Jocelyn sighs. “And I suppose you’re her knight in shining armor, swooping in to make sure she gets it?”
I don’t try to deny it. “I really care about her, Jos,” I say, happy that, at least in this, I’m telling the truth.
Jocelyn studies me for a long moment before her shoulders drop the slightest bit. “Yeah,” she finally says. “I can tell you do.” She wraps her arms around herself, suddenly looking more vulnerable than I’ve seen her look in a very long time. “Does Lila like the farm?”
I know what she’s really asking. Does Lila like this version of my life? The version Jocelyn didn’t want.
“You could ask her,” I say. “When you go over to apologize.”
Jocelyn rolls her eyes, and I finally see a glimpse of the Jocelyn Idoremember. “Fine,” she huffs. She pushes off the wall andwalks toward Lila. I stay where I am, watching as Jocelyn drops into the seat I left empty.
Their conversation only lasts five minutes or so, but from where I’m standing, too far away to hear, it might as well be five hundred minutes. Finally, Jocelyn stands and makes her way back to me, and I breathe out a sigh of relief.
She stops in front of me and shakes her head, her hands propped on her hips. “That woman is ridiculously likable.”
I can’t help the smile that breaks out across my face.
“I’m happy for you, Perry. I still hate you a little bit. But I’m happy for you.”
I have imagined a lot of conversations with my ex-wife over the years. Conversations in which I rant and rave and blame and accuse. It’s a relief to realize that I have no desire for that anymore. I appreciate that Jocelyn apologized to Lila, and I’m glad she’s happy for me. But I don’t need her approval. She really doesn’t have power over me anymore.
We say our goodbyes, and I head back to Lila. “Ready to go?” I ask, holding out my hand.
