Page 168 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
“I wish.”
“Okay, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but Perry, why did you marry her in the first place?”
“It’s a fair question. But the answer is probably similar to why you married Trevor. I thought she was what I wanted. I probably ignored a lot of warning signs, but she also changed a lot too. And I changed. Realized I wanted something different than she did.”
“It just goes to show, after all she put you through, money really can’t buy happiness. You’ve got your family. Your farm—”
“A really fantastic assistant,” he adds.
“A really fantastic assistant,” I repeat, wishing, even though I know it’s too soon, that what he had was a really fantasticgirlfriend.“And what does Jocelyn have? She said she’s miserable.”
Perry sighs. “For her sake, I hope that was just the alcohol talking.”
“See? There’s that nice guy again. I think he’s completely chased the grump away.”
“Nah,” he says softly. “I think you chased the grump away.”
I smile, even as my eyes drift closed. No matter how much I wish I could talk to Perry all night, I’ve been waking up at six-thirty every single day since Jack was born—that child is the most accurate human alarm clock on the planet, no matter what time he goes to bed—and it’s after two a.m.
“Okay, sleepy head,” Perry says. “Time for bed.” He turns off the light, and I expect him to settle down on his side of the enormous mattress, but then the bed shifts as he rolls toward me and suddenly, he’s next to me, his hand on my cheek. There’s enough light coming in through the window that I can see the outline of him, but it’s too dark to make out any features. “Goodnight, Lila,” he says. His thumb traces my bottom lip before he leans in and kisses me, slow and tender.
“Thisis how I would like to go to sleep every night,” I say sleepily.
Perry stills, and I panic, the reality of my drowsy words waking me to full alertness. I wasn’t necessarily thinking about going to sleep next to Perryspecifically.It was more just the kiss, the tenderness. Who wouldn’t want someone to love them off to dreamland every night?
I mean,yes.It would be better if that person were Perry. But it’s probably a little too soon to make that kind of declaration.
Except I just did.Sort of did?
Perry’s hand skims my cheek as he pulls it away. “You deserve to fall asleep like this every night. Now get some sleep.”
Ha. Easy for him to say. And easy for him to do, apparently. Because he’s asleep in what feels like seconds. I listen as his breathing slows and deepens. He’s on his stomach, one hand stretched across the bed to rest on my wrist. Which naturally means I will stay in this exact position, even if my arm falls asleep and my fingers go numb, for as long as humanly possible.
If he thinks I deserve to fall asleep like this, well, there’s a vacancy in the “Kiss Lila to Sleep” department, and he’s more than welcome to fill it.
For a very long time, I thought I’d missed my opportunity for a true happily-ever-after. Guilt, shame, doubt, discouragement, some erroneous belief that we only getoneshot at happiness in life. They all worked together to make me content with a slightly less happy life. I have Jack, and he’s brilliant. I have a job, even if it isn’t the one I always dreamed I’d have.
It’s enough. Itwasenough.
But now, with a sleeping Perry beside me, I let myself revel in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, my life can haveso. much. more.
And that is the thought that finally sends me off to sleep.
Chapter Nineteen
Perry
After spending almost anentire night getting to know Lila—kissingand getting to know Lila—I don’t particularly want to go to the reunion breakfast this morning. I’d much rather drive Lila up to the Blue Ridge Parkway, take in the views, and enjoy the last few hours we’re together before I have to take her home.
Logically, I know that if any kind of relationship between Lila and me is going to work, it has to work in our regular lives too, and not just when we’re tucked away from everything. But that doesn’t mean I want the magic to end sooner than absolutely necessary.
But we’re here. And the food doesn’t look half bad. And if I can swing it, I’d like to provide my ex-wife with the opportunity to apologize to Lila.
The crowd is a little more subdued this morning than it was last night, which isn’t surprising. Lila and I left the party just after nine, and the alcohol was already flowing freely. I’m sure it didn’t slow as the night wore on.
Lila and I make our way through the buffet line, then sit near the window where we have a nice view of the mountains. I probably ought to be more enthusiastic about talking and connecting with old classmates, but with Lila beside me, it’s hard to be invested in anyone but her.
This thing between us is new, but it already feels bigger than anything I’ve ever experienced before. Anything I’ve everfeltbefore. That realization leaves me nervous and jittery. I don’t know how to stop worrying that I’m going to screw things up, that I might lose whatever this is before it’s even started.
