Page 120 of How to Kiss a Hawthorne Brother
It occurs to me that blurting out my relationship status has everything to do with me wanting her to know I’m single. It’s a weird sensation.I haven’t wantedanyoneto know I’m single in a very long time. “I’m sorry,” I say again. “I’m really bad at this.”
Her eyebrows goes up. “At what?”
“At talking.”
She smiles, and a pulse of desire fills my chest.
“It’s okay,” she says. “I wouldn’t wish what we’ve been through on anyone, but I imagine a divorce isn’t exactly a picnic.”
I can’t stop the scoff that pushes its way up. “Yeah. That’s—” I push my hands into my pockets, unable to finish my sentence. My divorce was awful. Gutting both emotionally and financially. But to lose a spouse? The two don’t even belong in the same category. “I should get back to work.”
Lila nods. “Of course. We’ve got a date withPaw Patrolanyway.”
I narrow my gaze and frown. “Withwho?”
“It’s a television show. Jack’s favorite, and they just released a movie that he’s really excited to see.” She cocks her head to the side. “No kids for you?”
“Ah. No. Didn’t make it that far.”
“Hmm. I wondered. You were so good with Jack.”
Warmth spreads across my chest. “He’s a good kid.”
She smiles, love so evident in her expression, it sends a swell of sharp longing right to my heart. Not for her specifically. Just foranyone.For family.
“Enjoy your weekend, Mr. Hawthorne.”
“Perry,” I tell her again. “Please. Let’s stick with Perry.”
She nods. “All right. Goodbye, Perry.”
I lean against the tailgate of my truck, watching until she pulls onto the road. She lifts her hand in a wave, and I return the gesture, my eyes on her until she disappears around the bend.
Back in the driver’s seat, I pull out my phone and stare at the black screen, emotions swirling through me. I should have said thank you one more time. I should have let her know how much I appreciated her taking the time to drive out and help, how much I appreciate everything she’s done the past couple of weeks.
But everything that happened with Jack, with the tears and the earnestness of his desire, with the thoughts and feelings it stirred up, I wasn’t thinking when she left.
Now she’s gone, and all I can think about are the things I didn’t but should have said.
I wish I were better at this. At . . . peopling. At not making everyone around me feel uncomfortable. Except I’m not worried about everyone right now. I’m worried about Lila.
The question is, why? Why does it matter so much?
I’m attracted to Lila. I’m not stubborn enough to deny that much. But the reasons for not pursuing a relationship with her are numerous.
She’s my assistant, for one, and a good one. I don’t want to do anything to screw that up.
She’s also got a kidanda dead husband, and though it might make me cruel to say it, after my divorce, I’d rather avoid relationships that come with that kind of prepackaged drama. Ilikekids. But liking them and wanting one right out of the gate are different things.
So this feeling—it can’t be about that. About anything personal.
But as her boss?
Idowant her to feel comfortable working for me.
And I don’t want her to think her boss is creepy or weird.
I crank my truck, liking where I’ve landed.
