Page 11 of The Christmas Letters
Her expression shifts, losing the confidence it held moments earlier, but then she lifts her shoulders and smiles one more time before she turns and pushes through the door.
Chapter Three
Tess
Ididnotjust do that.
I did not give my number to a paramedic who was ONLY DOING HIS JOB.
I mean, I’ve flirted with guys before. Given out my number. Been the one to make the first move. But being so blatant was bold, even for me.
It didn’tfeelbold though. It felt like the only option—like leaving without giving him my number would have broken something in the universe and thrown my entire life off track.
Which…okay,maybe that’s a little dramatic. But I swear there was something happening between me and Drew. Something intense and exciting and different.That’swhat made me bold.
And he responded withit’s great to meet you.
I drop my head onto the steering wheel and groan.
It wasn’t exactly a rejection. But it wasn’t a commitment either.
I half wonder if I’d have felt the same way if I’d emerged from the bathroom stall to find someone…let’s saylessattractive than Drew. Someone without deep blue eyes and wavy brown hair and a dimple on his left cheek that popped up when he smiled at me.
I want to say that I would. That our connection was strong enough to make an ordinary-looking guy suddenly look amazing. But I’ll never know for sure because Drew is the polar opposite of ordinary. If someone told me I stumbled out of a bathroom stall and into a photo shoot for a calendar highlighting the world’s hottest paramedics, I would have believed it, full stop.
I finally lift my head and turn on my car just as Drew and the other paramedic step onto the sidewalk. I quickly pull away from the curb, not wanting them to see me sitting here staring into space. After practically begging him to date me, Drew might think I’m waiting for him.
A police officer is positioned at the end of King Street, directing traffic around the worst parts of the flood. In another hour, the water will drain back into the harbor, and everything will be drivable again. But for now, I’ll have to take the long way home to my apartment complex.
I turn right instead of left, following the flow of traffic as my mind replays my conversation with Drew. Talking through a closed door was different. In a way, it was freeing not having to worry about how I was standing or whether there was spinach in my teeth.
The physical barrier between us also made it easier to be vulnerable. If I were looking at Drew face to face, it might have been harder to open up without worrying about how he might react.
Though, it’s debatable whether that worked to my advantage.
I told Drewso many things.Things that could have easily convinced himnotto call.
But the way he eased my sense of panic, distracting me with his buttery voice, telling me about himself and his life. It just made everything feel so intense. Like my emotions were amplified a thousand times.
Then I saw him in person, and he was just so pretty, and…I don’t know what happened.
Maybe I was just overwhelmed? It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt any sense ofwanting.It was intoxicating.
Clearly. Since it made me behave like I’ve had more than a few drinks.
I finally make it home and turn into the parking garage for my apartment complex on East Bay Street. It might actually be better if Drew doesn’t call me. Then I can go back to my very simple, very single life and never think about bathroom stalls or handsome paramedics again.
Something deep in my gut protests at the thought. I don’ttrulywant to be alone. But the idea of getting back into the dating game is terrifying. When I date again, I want to do it right. I want someone to get to know me asme.Not as the me I pretended to be for too many years.
What a solo honeymoon in Bali taught me, followed by nine intense months of leeching free therapy from my aunt in Paris, is that I have to untangle what I want from what my parents want. And believe in myself enough to own what I want and go after it, no matter who I might disappoint.
It makes sensenow,but my parents are very convincing, and their programming was very thorough. They might as well have given me a script titled “Tess’s Lovely Life,” with a little post-it note stuck on the top warning me that I better not screw it up.
It’s been just over a year since I left Preston mere hours before I was supposed to walk down the aisle and sayI do.A year of carefully reassembling my life, this time into something I actually want it to be. But in all that time of careful reconstruction, I haven’t felt a flicker of attraction to anyone.Not until today.
And maybe that’s the silver lining. If nothing else, whether Drew does or doesn’t reach out to me, my encounter with the hottest paramedic on this side of the Mississippi has at least shown me that I’m finally ready to date again.
And that feels big.
