Page 85 of Absolutely Not in Love
The longer I stand here, the sicker I feel. Who cares about my audition? I just want to know that Felix is okay.
I’m on the internet looking for a number at the Summit, hoping there might be someone there who can get me in touch with Eli or Nathan when an email notification pops up for my school account.
I don’t usually check school email when I’m not at school, but the subject line for this one catches my eye.
Subject: From Felix
I scramble to open the message and read through it once, then twice just to make sure I understand.
Gracie, I’m so sorry. I don’t have my phone, and I’m not going to make it. I’ll explain everything later. –Felix
I don’t recognize the sending email address, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why he would be emailing from some random address. But if he doesn’t have his phone, how else would he reach me? I doubt he has my number memorized—I couldn’t even tell you the area code of his—and we’ve never exchanged personal emails.
My school email is public, so it’s reasonable to think he might have borrowed someone’s phone to send me an email.
But why? What happened? And what am I supposed to do now?
Tears brim in my eyes as I pull up the Uber app on my phone and price a ride to the symphony hall in Knoxville. It’s almost two hundred dollars one-way.
At this rate, I’m going to be eating ramen for the rest of the month.
I sigh and confirm the ride. A driver will be here to pick me up in less than three minutes.
It takes all three to force away my tears and breathe my way to a semi-normal heart rate. But no matter my breathing, I still can’t shake the utter disappointment over how my afternoon has gone.
When I climb into the back of the Uber, my cello taking up two-thirds of the backseat, my mind drifts back to that lonely bus ride after All-State Orchestra my junior year.
I was alone while everyone I cared about was at a hockey game.
Now, I’m alone. And everyone I care about is at a hockey game.
Or at least, in Felix’s case, doing something hockey-related.
The thought brings another round of tears, but that just makes me feel silly. The logical side of my brain knows better than to let old emotions from a long time ago impact how I react right now.
That was a different situation. My parents aren’t choosing hockey overmeright now. They’re supporting my nephew. They had no idea my car was going to die, and if they had known, they happily would have loaned me a car. I know they would have.
And Felix—he’s never done anything but show me that he only wants to put me first. Over and over again, he’s prioritized my needs, made me feel seen, made me feel so deeply important to him.
But if that’s true…then where is he?
He has to have a reason.
I’msurehe has a reason.
But that still doesn’t stop me from feeling utterly, desperatelyalone.
Chapter Twenty-One
Felix
Whatacompleteandtotal nightmare.
I pace back and forth through my kitchen, eyes on my open apartment door. I don’t dare risk closing it, because I don’t want to miss Gracie when she finally gets home. Every time I pass my counter, I look down at my phone, just to make sure she hasn’t responded to any of my messages.
So far, she’s been radio silent.
Not that I blame her for ignoring me.
