Page 80 of Absolutely Not in Love
He immediately sobers and straightens up, his face taking on a very serious expression. “Got it. I’ll be good.”
I reach over and tussle his hair. “I’m sure you will.”
Javi meets us at the door, and I shake his hand. “Thanks for doing this,” I say. “Can we hit the ice while we’re here?”
He nods. “I thought you’d want to. Everything’s open and ready for you.” He looks at Maddox. “If the kid wants to ride the Zamboni, let me know. Otherwise, just call when you’re ready to head out, and I’ll lock up behind you.”
We start at the locker rooms first, and Maddox makes solid work of exploring, reading the names off of each locker and reverently running his hands over the sticks, helmets, and other gear that occupies the space. After Maddox has explored the weight room, the PT room, and the coaches’ offices, his dad trying, and failing, to seem much less enthusiastic than his ten-year-old kid, we finally make our way to the rink.
We pause in the tunnel, and Josh helps Maddox into his skates. He seems like a good dad, and for a quick minute, I wonder if I would have done the same thing. Would I have walked away from a potential career had I been in the same situation?
I’d like to think I would have. Mostly because watching Josh with Maddox, it’s clear I want the same thing. I want a family. Maybe not right this second, but…maybe sooner than later.
My eyes drift to Gracie who is wearing a pair of Jadah’s old skates—she says it’s been years since she’s had her own—and is laughing about how wobbly she feels. She mayfeelwobbly, but she doesn’t look it. In fact, the sight of her in skates is doing strange things to my heart.
I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t the main reason it’s so easy for me to think about fatherhood. It’s always been a sort of vague, nebulous thing in the back of my mind. But Gracie makes it seem more tangible. More possible.
I make my way over and hold out my hand. “Ready?”
She nods as she slips her fingers into mine. “Promise you won’t laugh at me if I fall?”
“I’ll definitely laugh,” Josh says as he leads Maddox out onto the ice, passing us both.
“Don’t worry,” Jadah says. “If he laughs, I’ll body-check him and take him out.”
Gracie is a little unsteady at first, but skating is a lot like riding a bicycle. Once you learn how, it’s hard to forget. Soon, we’re circling the rink, hand in hand. I look down at her and catch her gaze, and she smiles.
I had no idea this was a dream of mine, but clearly, it’s triggering some kind of dormant desire because I can’t stop smiling, can’t stop thinking about how good it feels to have her on the ice beside me.
“I like having you here,” I admit.
“What, at the Summit?” she says. “Or just…skating?”
“Both, I guess?” I answer. “I’m here every day. It’s just…nice to have you be a part of it.”
She looks away, her cheeks flooding with pink, and I wonder if she’s thinking about that moment in the kitchen when I all but told her I wanted her to fall in love with me. She may not know it, and I don’t to get too far ahead of myself, but those words to her sister-in-law, that once she was in love with me,thenshe’ll start watching me play, snuffed out the last vestiges of doubt still lingering in my mind.
“I like being here with you, too,” Gracie says, squeezing my hand. “You know, after talking to my mom today, I think what really hurt me all those years growing up was that I just felt like an afterthought.”
She slows her skates, and I adjust my pace to match hers, sensing that what she’s saying right now is really important.
“I think I just wanted to be seen. It wasn’t really about hockey,” she says. She stops altogether, and I turn so I’m standing right in front of her. “Or hockey players. Except for Gavin, who was absolutely a jerk.”
I reach forward and squeeze her hands. “Agreed. I wish I could meet him in a game and let him know exactly how I feel about what he did to you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Would you bodycheck him as the goalie?”
I scoff. “You doubt me? I could play offense for one game.”
“Hey, Felix, watch me!” Maddox calls.
I look over my shoulder, watching as Maddox skates a puck toward the net and slams it in.
Gracie leans up and presses a quick kiss to my lips, then nudges me away. “Go on,” she says. “Go play with him. I’ll skate with Jadah.”
I cross the rink to Maddox, who has recovered the puck and slides it toward me. Josh hands me a hockey stick, and I take control of the puck.
Maddox has pretty solid moves for a nine-year-old. He said something about wanting to be a goalie at the party, and I suddenly wish he had his pads with him so we could shoot around for real. He’s a little young for the goalie clinic I did a few weeks back, but watching him skate, he’s better than a lot of the kids four, even five years older than he is. With a little bit of one-on-one coaching, he could probably grow into a solid goalie.
