Page 28 of Absolutely Not in Love
I drive Mom to the airport in Knoxville on Sunday morning, promising to come to Chicago for Christmas, then head back to Harvest Hollow. I take the long way home, through Gatlinburg, then cut through Great Smoky Mountains National Park so I can enjoy the views. The mountains are a blaze of color, red and yellow and orange as far as the eye can see.
When I finally pull into my parking space at the warehouse, there’s a text waiting on my phone.
Logan:Dude. You home? Can we stop by a sec?
We.That must mean Parker is with him.
Felix:Just got home. Come whenever. I’m not going anywhere.
It’s less than ten minutes later when they knock.
“Hey,” Logan says, carrying a giant box through the front door. Parker follows behind with a stack of books in her hands. “Your text came at the perfect time,” Logan says. “We were right around the corner getting lunch.”
“Glad it worked out. Hi, boss,” I say to Parker. “What’s in the box?”
“Jerseys,” Parker says. “For the youth clinics. There are six jerseys on top for the goalie clinic, and you need to get those back to me soon. The others are less time sensitive. Maybe just get them back to me before the end of the month?” She pauses and looks around my apartment, her hands propped on her hips. She’s never been here, and it always makes me nervous when people from the team see my nicer-than-average place. Hopefully, Logan has already filled her in.
“How many of these things are you doing?” Logan says as he drops the box onto my kitchen table. “Didn’t you do the last one too?”
I shrug. “I don’t mind.”
“He’s a favorite with the youth coaches because he’s so patient with the kids—more patient than just about anyone else.” She eyes me, her expression pointed. “Still. You don’thaveto say yes, Felix. You already do so much more than most of the other players.”
“He went to sign merch at the farmers market yesterday before the game,” Logan says unhelpfully.
Parker narrows her eyes. “Felix, there were plenty of guys there. You didn’t have to show up.”
“I didn’t mind.” I move into my kitchen and pull out a couple of glasses, pouring water for Logan and Parker. I don’t know that they need it, but it gives me something to do with my hands.
Am I seriously getting scolded for beingtoohelpful?
When I spin back around, water glasses in hand, Parker has her arms folded across her chest and her lips pursed. If I didn’t know Parker so well, I might cower under that gaze, but for all her intensity, she’s got a good heart. She’ll make her point, but she’ll make it gently.
“Just say whatever it is, Parker. I can tell you want to.” I hold out the water, and she takes both glasses, handing one to Logan.
She takes a long drink before setting her glass on the counter. “I know you don’t do as much of the social media stuff as the other guys, but you’re doing more than enough to make up for it. I promise there isn’t some invisible scoresheet here. You know I won’t push you to do stuff that’s outside of your comfort zone.”
I push my hands into my pockets. “I know that. I do.”
She shrugs. “Then relax a little. You don’t have anything to prove, Felix. You’re an asset to this team, and you’re doing enough.”
Her words strike an uncomfortable chord deep in my gut.You don’t have anything to prove.
I know I’m a solid hockey player. My stats are great, I’m responsible, reliable, and I don’t get into any trouble. Two years ago, I was even offered a contract with the NHL. Ultimately, I turned it down because I would have been third goalie in line, which would have meant a lot more time riding the pine than I’m getting as an Appie and a lot more volatility in my career. Especially with my social anxiety, the idea of stability and less time in the spotlight, both things the Appies offered me, sounded a lot better.
Iknowall this, so why do Parker’s words still ring true? Am I still trying to prove myself? Prove that I’m worth keeping around?
Logan motions toward my living room. “Maybe you need to spend a little more time with Ivy?”
Parker rolls her eyes knowingly. Clearly, Logan has told his new girlfriendallmy secrets, even the undercover name I use for my book collection.
“Or…maybe you should spend some time with Gracie?” Parker says.
My eyes swivel to Logan. Does the man have no boundaries when it comes to this woman? “You told her?” I say.
He holds up his hands. “I told you I’d ask about her, and I did. It didn’t take rocket science for Parker to guess you were asking because you’re interested.”
I run a hand through my hair. “I’m not even sure Iaminterested. She hates hockey. That feels like a pretty giant red flag.”
