Page 27 of Absolutely Not in Love
Nathan skates by and pats me on the back in a gesture of support, but I can’t take my eyes off Logan’s lovestruck face.
He looks like a man who knows what he wants—whohaswhat he wants.
My eyes drift over the crowd—Mom is out there somewhere—but it doesn’t feel the same.
I want something more.
Someonemore.
The feeling stays with me the entire time I’m showering and getting dressed. The guys are all going out, and I’d generally join them—I’ll easily give up a night with Ivy when we’ve got a win to celebrate—but with my mom in town, I bow out, even when Eli suggests I bring her with me.
“What are you worried about?” he asks. “You think your mom might fall in love with me?” He runs a hand over his hair, slicking it back like he’s trying to be smooth. “I mean, let’s be real. She probably will.”
I roll my eyes and shove Eli away. “You guys have fun. I’ll see you next week.”
I find Mom waiting in the area of the Summit designated for family and friends of the players. She smiles wide as I approach, then reaches up and gives me a big hug. “It’s been too long since I’ve seen you play,” she says. “You were amazing.”
“Thanks, Mom.” She’s wearing an Appies jersey she must have bought before the game, and it’s swallowing her petite frame, but it feels good to have her support me like this. I can only guess how hard Mom had to fight against Dad to make this trip at all. I won’t wish her away even if I would rather have a girlfriend wearing my jersey and watching me play.
An image of Gracie pops into my mind, and I find myself wondering what she’d look like wearing Appies team colors, a number thirty-one across her back. The thought triggers such an intense jolt of longing that I lift a hand to my chest, rubbing it across my heart like I can massage the feeling away.
I don’t know Gracie well enough for her to cause that kind of reaction, but there’s something bigger at play here. I want a relationship. I’m ready for one.
Mom pulls out her cell phone. “Here. I want to show you something.” She scrolls through a few screens, then holds it up so I can see a text exchange she had with my father.
Emily:Game is over, and the Appies won in front of a sold-out crowd. So proud of Felix.
Derrick:How did Felix play?
Emily:He was perfect. Total shutout.
Derrick:Good.
I’m not sure what Dad means bygood.If it hadn’t been a shutout, would he have said something likebetter luck next timeorthat’s too bad?But the hope in Mom’s eyes says she wants this to make me happy. And itisnice that Dad asked.
“That’s great, Mom. Really great.”
“I promise he cares, Felix. He’s proud of you.”
I force a smile. “I know. I’m glad you were here tonight, Mom.”
Beside me, another teammate, Ryan, greets his girlfriend, who practically bowls him over when she launches herself into his arms. Ryan barely got any playing time, but she’s still here, kissing him like he just scored the final goal for a Stanley Cup win.
Mom follows my gaze. “I thought that neighbor of yours might come to watch you play.”
If only.Even if Gracie does, eventually, agree to go out with me, I doubt she’ll ever come to a hockey game, which, considering my present mood, has me reconsidering my newfound crush.
Will it matter if the person I’m with isn’t here to support me at my games?
Any other day, I might have said no, but watching Ryan with his girlfriend and Logan, earlier, when he was looking at Parker, it’s hard not to want what they have. I know for a fact Parker loves hockey almost as much as Logan does. She knows the game, knows how to skate, knows how to speak Logan’s language.
But does every relationship have to be like that? Does mine?
The question stays with me through the rest of the weekend.
Hockey won’t always be a part of my life, at least not like it is now. But even when I’m no longer playing, I’ll still enjoy the sport. Watching it, talking about it. It’s part of who I am.
Will it matter if the woman I’m with doesn’t feel the same way?
