Page 70 of How to Kiss a Movie Star
“You’re not equipped to have arealrelationship?” I ask slowly, wanting to make sure we’re on the same page.
She shrugs. “Did I misread what that was? Almost kissing you. That didn’t feel fake to me.”
The fact that she’s willing to own it, admit it, instead of hiding her feelings makes me like her even more. Which sucks since she’s in the process of telling me that, despite whatever connection we clearly have, she doesn’t want to give us a shot.
Still, there’s no point in denying that I’m picking up on it too.
“It didn’t feel fake to me either.” I move to the couch and sit down. “So where does that leave us?”
She drops down beside me. “We get through the premiere. Play our parts. Silence Claire. Save your movie.”
I nod, chuckling over her very frank summary. I lean forward to prop my elbows on my knees. “Then what happens?”
She shrugs. “Everything goes back to the way it was before. You go back to your life, and I go back to mine.”
“What about your squirrels? You won’t ever come back to check on them?”
She breathes out a weary sigh. “I’m not saying we’ll never see each other again; I’m just saying we can’t…that I don’t want…”
I move a hand to her knee. “Hey. It’s okay,” I say gently. “I get it.”
She lifts her eyes to mine. “You do?”
“I won’t pressure you into anything you don’t want, Audrey. That was never my goal.”
She wraps her arms around her waist, and for a moment, it almost looks like a flash of disappointment crosses her features. “That’s good. Great,” she says. “I appreciate that.”
“Are you sure you’re still comfortable coming to California with me?”
She nods. “Of course I am. I made a commitment. And everything we—” She waves a hand in front of her, and I notice a slight tremble. “All of the touching. All of that is fine.” She lifts her chin. “And kissing too, if we need to. I can—we can—whatever we need to do.”
“I don’t think we willhaveto, necessarily,” I say, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice. “But it would probably help.”
“Let’s plan on it, then,” she says, her tone growing more and more business-like.
If I could see inside her brain, I’m pretty sure I’d find an army of construction workers building a brick wall, thick and impenetrable, its sole purpose to separatemefrom Audrey.
It occurs to me that even if she’s willing, I’d rathernotkiss Audrey than only kiss her because we’re pretending. Now that I want to kiss her for real, anything else somehow feels cheap. Not to mention torturous. Nothing like having a small taste of something you really want but can’t actually have.
“If it’s absolutely necessary,” I say, knowing I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it isn’t.
Simply put, I like her too much.
We’re quiet for a long, awkward moment—so awkward that I expect Audrey to flee at any time. There’s dinner in the kitchen, and a movie cued up for us to watch after we eat. But something tells me Audrey isn’t going to want to stay. Not unless I do something to recover the mood and steer us back onto “friendly” ground.
A part of me wants to just let her go. Give myself the chance to wallow and lick my wounds. I didn’t come right out and tell Audrey how I’m feeling, but I definitely implied it.
But a bigger part of me—probably the stupid part—still wants her to stay. This is a big and stupid lonely house, and I like Audrey’s company. I just need to reframe how I see her. Somehow knock her back into the friendship zone.
It’ll take some acting. Luckily, I have some experience with that.
I give my shoulders a little shake and nudge her knee with mine, willing my expression into something light and friendly. “Hey,” I say, reaching out and giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze before dropping my hands back to my side. “It’s okay,” I say. “I’m okay. I’m grateful you’re willing to do this, and I’m happy to do it as friends.” I hold her gaze. “Justfriends.”
“I think that would be best,” she says softly. “I’m glad you understand.”
I lift a shoulder. “Actually, I think you’re probably right,” I lie. “Our worlds are completely different. We’re probably saving ourselves a lot of trouble by getting this sorted out now.”
She nods, but she’s still frowning. “Right. Definitely.”
