Page 102 of How to Kiss a Movie Star
Flint is quiet for a long time.Too long.If not for the slight sound of his breathing, I might wonder if he was still on the call.
“So you’re saying you aren’t sure if you want us to be together,” he finally says.
“No,” I say, my voice breaking under the strain of my emotions. “I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying I’m scared and uncertain, and I want to make sure I know my own mind. Your life is so big, Flint. And it’s amazing and glamorous and I love being a part of it. But my life is important, too. I just don’t want to get so swept up in your world that I lose my own.”
“Which is why you want to stay at your house.”
“I mean, yes. But it’s more than that too.”
He sighs. “I understand. I don’t like it. But Idounderstand it.” He sniffs and clears his throat. When he speaks again, he almost sounds like a different person. “Listen, I want you to take as much time as you need, all right? Stay at your place, for sure. Nate will still be keeping an eye on things, but I’ll tell him to keep his distance so your life will feel as normal as possible.”
“Flint, stop,” I say.
“Stop what?”
“I don’t know what just happened, but your voice changed.” I think back to the way he spoke to my sisters when he first met them. That’s exactly what he sounds like now. “You just turned into actor Flint—like you’re only saying what I want to hear. But I don’t want you to pretend with me.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. “You can’t have it both ways, Audrey,” he finally says. “You can’t ask me for space and also ask me to be real, because what I wantfor realis the opposite of giving you space.”
Pain slices into my heart. What am I doing? Am I really pushing him away?
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice soft. “You’re right. That wasn’t fair of me to say.”
He sighs. “Audrey, you told me from the beginning you weren’t interested in a life like mine.”
“But that was before I knew you, before I…”Before I fell in love with you.I don’t finish the sentence out loud, but the realization fills my heart with perfect clarity.
I love him.I love him.
If that’s true, everything else will have to work out, won’t it?
“I think…I need to not call you for a few days, all right?” Flint says.
“Flint, wait—”
“No, this is good. I think we both need a minute to think. To figure out what we want.” He’s actor Flint again, protecting his heart, doing what he thinks I need in order to protect mine.
I close my eyes, tears falling freely now. “Are you still coming home?”
“I’ve got a few more things to do first. But soon. As soon as I can.”
We end the call and I crawl under my comforter, not even caring that I haven’t brushed my teeth or checked the front door lock or plugged in my phone.
I said the hard things that were sitting on my heart—the fears, the struggles, the worries—and I don’t have regrets about that. A relationship with Flint will mean all kinds of conversations about how his fame impacts both of our lives.
But I still feel like my heart is broken, and I’m not sure I can fix it until Flint is here—until I see him again.
Soon better get here quick.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Flint
Flint: So. Pretty sure I’m in love with Audrey.
Brody: WHAT? I’M SHOCKED.
Brody:We all saw this coming, dude.
