Page 61 of Love Unexpected
I’d dreamed of kissing Isaac before. But my dreams had been rather sedate compared to this. This was fire without the burn, a warm glow consuming every inch of my skin, a melding of passion and desire with a very real awareness that I’d never felt so at home in a man’s arms.
Isaac shifted, and I leaned back onto the couch, pulling him with me. The weight of him against me sent thrills through my body, and I arched into him, my hands grasping the fabric of his t-shirt and pulling him even closer. Only then did Isaac still, his breathing labored as he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to mine.
I released my hold on him, though my hands stayed on his chest, and tried to slow my own breathing.
“That was...” he said softly. He sat back on the couch, letting my hands fall away. “I, um...I shouldn’t have done that.”
I sat up. Not exactly the post-kiss conversation I would have hoped for, but he wasn’t running from the room screaming, so maybe I could still count it as a win. “Technically, I started it.”
He huffed a laugh. “No, I wanted...” He stood and started pacing around the room. “But I shouldn’t have.Weshouldn’t have.”
This was ridiculous. If Ana was the only reason he thought he shouldn’t be kissing me, I could solve that problem with one very short conversation. We could fake the rest of his stupid road trip. Or just call the whole thing off. Alex had said my feelings were more important, that Isaac had pockets deep enough to eat the loss of any planned stops.
“Isaac, I need to tell you something.”
He paced around the room, his hands on his hips and his eyes looking everywhere but at me. He shook his head. “This was a bad idea.”
“If you would just stop and listen—”
“No,” he said, cutting me off. “You’ve done enough.”
Well,thathurt.
“There are so many things to consider right now. I have a plan. And the road trip. And Ana. And the viewers have expectations. I can’t disappoint them with this.”
Withthis?What was that even supposed to mean? “Disappoint them with what?” I said. “Your viewers aren’t watching you right now. Is that really what you’re thinking about fifteen seconds after kissing me? Whether or not yourviewerswould approve?”
“That’s not what I—” He ran a hand through his hair. “But yes, in a manner of speaking. What my viewers think can make or break my entire career—everything that I’ve built. I can’t disregard how that factors into my personal life.”
“But it doesn’t have tobeyour personal life. You can have boundaries, Isaac. You can do what you want to do without bringing fifty million people into your bedroom.”
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “This is not my bedroom, and I wouldn’t have...” He waved his hand dismissively.
He wouldn’t have what? Slept with me? Initiated the kiss had I not done it first?
Two things became clear in a matter of seconds. One, Isaac had felt the same charge of attraction that I had. He wouldn’t be overreacting if kissing me hadn’t felt like something special. And two, Ididchallenge him. And that frustrated him more than the kissing had. It was making him reactive and unkind; I couldn’t hold anything he said right now against him. But I also didn’t have to stand around and take it.
I stood up and moved across the room, avoiding the tense, pacing idiot in the middle of the small space. I picked up my toiletry bag from the chair where I’d left it. “You can think this was a bad idea,” I said. “That we shouldn’t have kissed, that it’s more important that we stick to the plan and make your precious viewers happy. But just for the record? I don’t care about your viewers. And I don’t have any regrets.”
“You don’t have to care about them,” Isaac responded, his tone sharp. “I do.”
I shook my head. “You give them too much power, Isaac. Is this how you make every decision? Only after evaluating what your fandom would want you to do? Do you even know whatyouwant anymore?” I sighed and backed up a step. “I’m just asking you to be real with yourself. Be real with me.”
“You don’t think my show is real?” he asked, his tone defensive. “That what I do for people is real?”
I shrugged. “That’s not what I said. I have no doubt that your show is real. But I was talking about you. Not your job. Yourlife.”
He dropped onto the couch, looking suddenly weary, like the fight had died out of him in a matter of seconds. “I didn’t know there was a difference,” he said, his voice low.
My heart dropped into my gut. It was the very thing I’d been afraid of. The reason I’d agreed to come on the stupid road trip in the first place before telling Isaac who I really was. Because I’d been afraid that for Isaac, there reallywasn’ta difference betweenRandom Iand Isaac Bishop. For him, the two would always be fully entwined. And yet, the way his eyes had flashed at my accusations made me wonder if that really was what he wanted. If some part of him didn’t crave a little more normalcy. A little more privacy.
But no one could make the decision to do things differently but him.
“I guess there’s not.” I took another backward step but paused before turning away completely. “I hope Ana’s cool with that.”
His eyes darted to mine. “Because you wouldn’t be?”
There was a vulnerability embedded in his question that made my heart squeeze and my throat dry up. It suddenly felt like any potential for a future with Isaac hinged on how I responded. The part of me that had been in love with the idea of Isaac for years wanted to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear. Anything to get him to accept me. To love me. To kiss me again. But the adult part of my brain couldn’t yield. “Call me selfish if you want. But I wouldn’t be.”
